Food:

Besides video games and not sleeping, I figured out what else has consumed my time here in Houston. We've been watching a lot of Food Network and a lot of Iron Chef. Tonight's special ingredient is Shanghai cabbage with Yaginuma (Hei Chin Rou's head chef coach) vs. Iron Chef Chen.

Update: way to pull through Kenichi.

Hours:

Happy New Years Eve Eve!

My days here have been filled with lots of video gaming, movie watching, and odd-hour sleeping. Actually, not a lot of the last item when I think about it and I've been sleeping in make-shift places so my back has been fairly achy. I could use a good massage right about now.

Driving around Houston reminded me of two years ago. In that summer, my grandmother passed away. It was a pretty difficult time for everyone, and that first Christmas without her was a strange. Anyway, I was reminded of the funeral day because we were driving on 59, which is one of Houston's main highways. It's huge and flat. The gigantic caravan (police escort, seven limousines, and 30 to 40 following cars) and the fact that the police shut down the highway for us (drove ahead and pulled anyone on the road over)... it was the city of Houston paying respect to the amazing woman who definitely impacted the community in huge ways.

More random thoughts. A couple of my cousins, not to mention my sister, have been getting engaged and married. There's been the infusion of a few non-Chee's into our family get togethers. The sad thing is that it's discouraging. I like these infused people, but it's just that they have to undergo such torture to become part of the family. It's mostly my dad's generation's fault, but I guess that's normal. So I guess that's another thing I'll have to add to my list- an iron constitution and the will of a mighty tornado.

Lastly, a real huh: Last night we went to go play some Halo at my cousin's boyfriend's house. We got to play with a few of his random friends. One guy was briefly on my team because he received a phone call into his first game. It was his girlfriend, and we all had the opportunity to listen him argue with her about how he didn't kill her fish when she was away. He did feed them everyday according to him. I don't know, as far as I could gather he did what he was told to do. But at the same time he seemed a tad bit sketchy. I wouldn't trust him with my fish for a week, given what I could tell from those 15 minutes.

Froggy:

Random huh: tonight there was a tiny frog (about one inch in length) on the hood of my family's minivan. No idea where it came from. We were driving out of a Chinese shopping center. We just left it alone and went driving... we do not know where it went.

For a future post- reminiscing/blast from the past in Houston again.

Yesss:

Merry Christmas!

Chickens:

I've heard a lot of weird dinner conversation in my days, but I think today's takes the cake.

My mom and my grandfather (father's side) were talking about their days long ago in China and how they used to be in the chicken business. As a child, my mom would help her dad with various maintainence tasks including injecting chickens with antibiotics and hormones. Anyway, they also talked about how the rooster gonads would be removed, often surgically, to keep them under control. And, as I learned, they are considered a delicacy and sometimes are traditionally fed to brides as a wish for fertility. You apparently cook the chicken gonads in wine. There were other details discussed on this topic, but it's just too weird...

Well, I suppose I wouldn't expect any less.

Warmth:

Tomorrow's forecast- sunny with highs of 62 degrees in the afternoon. It'll be in the low 70's for a good part of next week. This is all in stark contrast to a week ago when the heat was broken and I woke up to a lovely 30 some degree house. Yeah, the 70 degree weather is nice, but it's not quite as enjoyable as it could be. The air is warm because of the humidity, not to mention that Houston is a top ranked pollution city. Whatever... it's certainly better than dying of pneumonia and freezing to death simultaneously.

I thought I'd just rub that all in while my clothes is drying. I've still got to pack before we leave in six hours!

Random thought: wouldn't it be fun to dig a pit? Not just a hole in the ground, but maybe a good pit trap that's like 8 feet deep. Yeah, that'd be neat.

Empty:

14 more hours and I will be free. I plan to sleep 8 of them away. Oh exams.

It seems like everyone's gone already. I miss people.

Four days until Christmas. It's odd. If you were there on that night in the stable, what would you do? What do you think baby Jesus would want you to do? Hah, it's a funny thing to think about, but if you were to be added into the naitivity scene... what would that look like? I hope my cloak wouldn't look like a dress. And I hope they would keep me as an Asian instead of turning me white.

No, but seriously. I would quietly cherish that moment. There exist too many reasons to explain exactly why. However, I do not see myself doing that quiet-cherishing during the next few upcoming days and Christmas day. There's a lot of hustle and bustle and a lot of superficiality floating around. I don't know, I guess I'm caught in a self-created limbo. I don't know what to expect or how exactly to be excited.

I'm also stuck on deciding what position my clay figurine would be in. Would I have one of those neat sheep-herding canes? I'm not really a shepherd, so I guess that wouldn't make sense.

Filthy:

Upon fixing Peter's laptop, Ryan and I stumbled across a little something...

6398?!? Not quite the record, so we didn't have to resort to slightly shotgunning it.

Blast:

As in a blast from the past. This post should be pretty fun. It is, as somewhat requested/inquired about a while back ago, a few photos of me...

I think I'm the one to the left. Not really sure because I would think I would be in the position of where my younger brother is (JP, right) because that would be the better viewing spot and I would have the higher ranking to occupy that viewing location. This is probably in our old church building. Notice the sublimital message in the background. Mmm, IBM.

Third grade, I believe. Hawaiian day. Check out those awesome socks.

I'm on the left with Barney. You can just barely see the cool things in this pic. My awesome socks and the Clinton cutout.

Just looking gosh darn cute. With my awesome socks.

Probably the first day of school in fourth grade. And my awesome socks.

Me, just chillaxin'.

On our front door steps. I'm in the middle, holding one of many lego creations. I have no idea what's in my little brother's mouth.

One, by the driveway flower patch looking awfully... um merry. Note, awesome socks. Two, that's my self portrait painting. It was actually exhibited in a Smithsonian museum. I think it was the Hirschhorn? I should put that on my resume.

My sister, my cousin (also pictured previously), me and my older brother. We always wore bowties when we dressed up.

It all comes full circle. I am to the right and you can take a good gander at who is in the middle. This would have been taken in 1996 so I would be 11 and in the 5th/6th grade.

There's lots and lots more photos in that album (one of many) but I haven't the time to scan them. I must have really loved those socks.

Eclectic:

What a random night of things.

Halo, just to mash the brains a little.

ESTIEtotheD (5:48:11 PM): hey you sexy asian
ESTIEtotheD (5:48:21 PM): i'm over joel...wannamarry me?

The Family Stone - funny, but I really disliked a lot of the characters. A lot of whining. Definitely had its moments and points.

Jeff is a movie star. He's got a freak flag... and he's flying it.

In the quest to regain our masculinity (just kidding, but not really), we cooked meat and played more Halo. What a delicious steak! One of the best I've had recently. Are you jealous?

Next:

Just gotta keep truckin' through I guess. I really should be passed out now.

So during this season, there's a lot more talk about angels. They're all over the Christmas tunes and represented in every nativity scene. This past Sunday School we read a little CS Lewis where he paints a picture of what it might look like when we die. He sort of says that the first thing that will happen when we enter the spiritual realm is we will actually be able to see the spiritual realm. Like a clearing of the eyes, we will see the angels that have been around in our lives and also the demons that haunted us. It kind of makes me wonder what's happening around me (but on the other side) now. Maybe if I think about it more, I may be more aware of the real angels instead of buying into the commercialized image.

Random, I still haven't had a dream in a really long time.

Finals:

The beginning of the end. May I not in this time forget where I have come from.

I was looking through some old blog posts just now. I'm talking about Fall semester 2003, baby. I'm glad I have some accounts and reflections that show me how far I've come since then. It's a good thing to keep on file.

Do you remember... BBB? Who could forget? Me. I guess I've been busy and worried about some other things going on around these days, but that's no excuse. The truth remains, I am blessed beyond belief. There is so much I have and so many people/things I am thankful for right now. Not just thankful. Thankful to God, because I can specifically cite where things happen not because of my own volition.

Something else that has been resonating (I don't like using that word in this fashion because it doesn't fit perfectly with the physical concept) with me recently:
"Oh Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight"
When I've had the opportunity to be a little quiet with myself lately, I've gotten a little more excited about this journey, this adventure. I don't know why. I'll do this weird thing where I'll smile to myself. Huh?

Balling:

Don't hate us because we look good.

Where are the other pics of us?!?

Like families...

Organ:

Today I had the opportunity to do a little hiding out. Not only disappearing, but with an organ. Okay that doesn't make sense. Anyway, I love organ music. And it doesn't help that my church spoils me with having one of the best organists in the area. What an incredible instrument. It also helped that just last week they callibrated and tuned the pipes there. The sound was just beautiful... I haven't words to describe the experience fully.

I like the fact that the organist was practicing at the time. Maybe this is just in my own head because I do it myself, but when a musician performs they are concentrating on the sound and being sure not to make any mistakes. During practice, and particularly so in today's case, the musician listens to themselves and has no restriction on how they emotionally approach the notes in front of them. Eh, just my tiny rant. Summary- I feel lucky.

But yeah, kind of a lot of contrast today I guess. Funniest thing (by far) I heard today:
Farrell: Why don't you come over here, Bert. Look over there, Anna's doing a dance!

Boneless:

While I may not have a creative bone in my body, I sure can appreciate the talents of others.

More thoughts on Christmas time. You'll get that happiness and joyfulness. There's the thankfulness, time with family. Then there's that one feeling that comes with the season as well... peace. Sometimes it happens during the candlelight service or during some carol singing, but it's just that one moment where I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and bask in stillness. Yes, Jesus is the Prince of Peace and brings healing into anything we let him deal with. But it's more simple than that. It's like when the baby drifts off to sleep as you rock it gently, you look up at those around you and ever so quietly go, "shhhh"... and then you can't help but smile. Nothing else exists in that precious, fleeting moment. I'm looking forward to it. It may hit you too, whether you're expecting it or not.

Series:

And continuing on our 20 day series on the "Spirit of Christmas", today we'll be discussing...

Hah, yeah right. As if I could be consistant or coherent. But besides the crazy shopping and the great music, this season brings about the Christmas Ball. I'd say that the ball is my most favorite official IV event all year. So yeah, I'm pretty excited about the whole dressing up thing and the joy of just having nothing to do other than hang out. And something about this year... I don't know what it'll be, but I just have this feeling that something crazy/spectacular will happen. What an odd feeling. But hey, if something does happen you heard it from me first.

Placement:

He put you right there and it was beautiful.

Cut:

In Mandarin, it's pronounced 'zhu'. In Cantonese, it sounds a little bit more like 'chi'. Either way, it is a calligraphical representation of my last name character. For some reason the accent line reminds me of a messy slice wound. Hmm... that would make for an interesting tat.

Season:

With today's blustery weather, I figure it's time to whip out some Christmas Spirit. And by "Christmas Spirit" I mean some Christmas music. We're supposed to have the real Christmas Spirit year round, right? Anyway, I downloaded Sinatra's Christmas album and some of Charlotte Church's songs. Other suggestions, please?

Reflections for the night- how can I posture myself so that I have a more humble attitude? All is right in my world, but I'd rather stand tall instead of bowing down.

Glimpse:

Moon:

Well, I'd like to visit the moon
On a rocketship high in the air.
Yes, I'd like to visit the moon,
But I don't think I'd like to live there.
Though I'd like to look down at the earth from above,
I'd miss all the places
and people I love,
So although I might like it for one afternoon,
I don't want to live on the moon.

I'd like to travel under the sea.
I could meet all the fish everywhere.
Yes, I'd travel under the sea,
But I don't think I'd like to live there.
I might stay for a day there
If i had my wish,
But there's not much to do
When your friends are all fish,
And an oyster and clam aren't real family,
So I don't want to live under the sea.

I'd like to visit the jungle,
Hear the lion's roar;
Go back and meet a dinosaur.
There's so many strange places I'd like to be
But none of them permanently.

So if I should visit the moon,
Well, I'll dance on a moonbeam, and then
I will make a wish on a star,
And I'll wish I was home once again.
Though I'd like to look down at the earth from above,
I would miss all the places
And people I love
So although I may go,
I'll be coming home soon,
'Cause I don't want to live on the moon.
No, I don't want to live on the moon.

I couldn't find the real version, but I found something just as good. So I'm listening to this jazzy rendition right now and sipping hot apple cider. Yeah, nights like these just make me think of these lyrics.

Dream:

I haven't had a dream in a long while. Nor have I drawn anything. Maybe I haven't been very inspired lately. Here's to hoping that'll change soon.

Crud:

I hope my thumb isn't broken.

Eye:

I'm in the eye of the storm right now. This is Black Friday, folks... a day where the weak of heart should hide their wallets.

This is the first year I've seen any store run a 24 hour long sale for Black Friday. The store, as it turns out, is CompUSA... which in previous years has been a store of few sales and a lots of fine print. So they decided to try opening the store at midnight, Friday morning and put a few great deals in the circular. It's 10 PM and we drive by the CompUSA as we're returning from Thanksgiving dinner at my new-brother-in-law's home in Virginia. Meh, about 25 to 30 hardcore people out there waiting for the next two hours in 24 degree weather. Fastforward to 11 PM when we're back, all geared up in wintery clothes and with the circular in hand. We're only the HUNDREDTH people in line. Oh wait... by 11:45, there are about 300 plus people in the parking lot and still loads more coming. There is still hope, by the way, that I'll be able to snatch my external harddrive. I may not be the sturdiest pusher, but I can slide through a crowd like none other. Anyway, doors open and since this is the first time this store has had to deal with a crowd like this, well, they don't do a very good job. Can you imagine a 300 person line running into the entrance and trying to squeeze through a double sliding glass door? Stampede and trample. 300 people running through the store, knocking down everything. The store was a mess with boxes of you name it strewn on the floor. Think of the Capital One vikings pillaging an electronics store. That's CompUSA an hour later. So 2 hours in the check out line and a few good deals in hand, we finally make it out the door.

I've been in my fair share of human stampedes before, but this one was a quite a bit different. "Oh is this the hard drive I'm looking for? Nope. I'll just throw it on the ground" or maybe "Hey, I'll buy that off of you. C'mon" or better yet "Get out of my #!%#@ way, I need that harddrive... I need that hardriveeeeeee!!" There's just too much pushing, shoving, competition... hate for your fellow shopper.

So Alpha squad returned at 2 AM to rest and pick up Beta squad for round two. Up at a bright and early 3 AM. I choose to forego sleep, even though I probably need it for the real beast- Best Buy. Such an outting gives me the shivers. If I don't make it back alive, you can find my will underneath the suitcase under my bed. The edited version (with projected Black Friday grabs) can be found on flash memory drive on my shelf. I'ma chase me some more hurricane.

Edit/Update: Round 2 was very successful. We obtained all primary and all secondary objectives. We were missing only a single terciary item. We were out of Best Buy by 5:35 AM, scouted Staples for a few minutes and then conquered Target before 6:30. You definitely don't go into a Black Friday morning expecting to get everything you circle on the ads.

Pursued:

Do you know what it's like to be genuinely pursued? Regardless of where you go, they are willing to follow... willing to sacrifice their life for you. To be cared about like that? I would be humbled by that. Thank you Jesus.

When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?
-Psalm 8

Reflections:

1. Sometimes we lose. Grades, money, relationships, time, viruses, arguments, wishbones. Life can bring you down... but only if you let it. Maybe you're actually wishing for the same thing and everyone's winning. There is always hope, there is hope in everything.

2. Wouldn't forcefields be the coolest things? That's what I think of when the word 'shield' comes to mind (note: sad, if you get the reference, but true). There are a lot of shields I and we (as people) put up. Humor, busyness, academics, shallowness, silence, stealth, or just plain ole pushing people away. There are so many ways to hide my true self. I want to learn what it means to drop my shields. I think it'll hurt, but it's part of my adventure... essential to my 'trek' if you will.

3. There is none like You. No one else can touch my heart like You do. I could search for all eternity long, and find there is none like You.

4. No connection, just something I did a while ago:

Slow:

I was trying to figure out why I was so tired after church. It took me a while, but I finally realized what it was. My church had a Thanksgiving lunch and I had consumed a ridonkulous amount of turkey. Mmmm... tryptophan. So now I have an excuse as to why I was such a lazy bum this afternoon.

On Saturday, after the walkathon, FA and I went to the National Museum of American Indian and then to the US Botanical Garden Conservatory. We saw the titan arum (pictured, but it's not as big as that one), not yet bloomed... but it was supposed to soon and it did the night after. Kind of cool, knowing that it takes 14 years for the flower to grow before it blooms. The NMAI was very cool. I love the design and atmosphere of the museum because it's so fluid and curvy. One quote that particularly caught my interest was, "I did not practice my culture, I lived it." I like that.

Saturday night I went to my church's 70th anniversary banquet dinner. The food was so good and I got so stuffed. Let me enlighten you about the wonderfulness of China Garden's typical banquet menu:
First, there's the cold cut platter with jelly fish. Everything sort of looks gross, but it's all so delicious. The dried meats provide a perfect balance to the slightly pickled jelly fish (which resemble cooked rubberbands). Next comes the second appetizer, fried shrimp balls. These might be my favorite part... it's really just that- fried shrimp chunks... but the simple taste is just incredible. The third dish is a soup. We had an egg drop crab soup. It's not my most favorite, but it has a clean taste and perfectly sets you up for the real meal. Fourth came the roasted chicken, which is very tender and juicy. But really it's chicken and it's a filler dish so you only want to take one good (and by good I mean fewer bones) piece and save room for the rest. After the chicken comes the deep fried shrimp. These shrimp are usually jumbo huge. Like 4 or more inches in length. It's pretty salty and a little spicy so be prepared for a little kick. You eat everything because it's all fried, but it's not considered wasteful if you don't want to eat the head because that can be pretty rough on the mouth. Dish number six is the vegetable. I usually don't eat this because it has mushrooms and a mushroom sauce. Fungi are gross. Seven is the fried rice. I can tell you, CG has some of the best fried rice ever... and I've had a lot of different fried rices. Again, this is a dish that fills you up quick and they hit you with it relatively late so be careful about portion sizes. Eight is the roasted duck. This is the best duck meat next to straight up Peking duck. In my opinion, it's one of the best meats that Chinese restaraunts serve. Take my word, eat this dish with vigor and be sure to claim as many good pieces as you can without being dishonorable. The last savory dish is fish. We had a fish and vegetable stir fry which was pretty good since the meat was tender, but it lacked a true fishy flavor. I enjoy CG's cod... which they serve over one of those warming platters with the fire underneath and everything. Closing out with dessert, we get a pastry and in our case we got a puff pastry filled with lotus paste. It kind of tasted like a moon cake, but much more crispy and sweet. Following that, the last dish was, and usually is, a dessert soup. It was red bean soup, which is rather sweet and has a unique aftertaste that you don't experience elsewhere. I had three bowls since some of the people at my table were weak. If you've made it this far, then you've probably wasted a lot of time learning about Chinese-American banquet food. Most big celebrations, such as weddings or anniversaries, are held at similar type restaraunts and will serve similar foods so it's possible that this information might be useful. Quality-wise, you won't find much better than China Garden. Okay, that's enough of that rant... stop wasting your time and get on with your life.

Oh yeah, my mom bought fortune cookies. Six boxes and I think each has 300 cookies in them. Remind me to bring some back.

Speechless:

I have no adequate words for tonight. Just unintelligble sounds and a longing for so much more.

Retina:

For some time now, I've wanted to be able to communicate through looks. There's already a lot that goes on... length of glance/stare, slight movements, position, etc... but I want so much more. I want to be able to look into someone's eyes and see, "I need you to grab me that sock over there" and not just see attention levels or reactions. Perhaps I am exaggerating. I do long for the day when someone knows me so well that they can see the condition of my soul through my eyes... that they could see through my pretenses and shielding and understand who I am. I'm reminded of a sketch I did on retreat. Too bad it's on paper, it's one of my favorites.

Also, everyone needs to be jealous of me because of the awesome friends that I have.

Excited:

Got the turkey tonight. Isn't that exciting? I am also pretty psyched about a few long term projects/goals... we'll have to see how those play out.

Musing:

Definitely stuck in a contemplative, meditative frame of mind. While absolutely unproductive, I absolutely love it. I love hearing. I love listening.

Schmuck:

Time always seems to be running out. Just thinking about where I want to go with my life makes me wonder how at all I am going to accomplish all of this before I get too old to walk. Graduate, get married, find a job, raise a family... you know, all that good stuff. IDK. I usually try to stay focused on the present, but I fell into a small lapse today. I guess there's no point in me worrying at the moment, right? But if I can't pick up a chick by dragging a kid around all weekend, I obviously have no hope! :)

Clue:

I am by far one of the least dramatic persons ever. Also, I am probably the worst lier/story teller that you'll ever know. But maybe with a little practice and a little experience, I could really get into these sort of things. Jeff described the event as 'basically real life Clue'. Seems to be close enough. Next time I hope I get to be the killer! Being a criminal is so much fun!

*ahem*
steadfast- adj.
1. Fixed or unchanging; steady
2. Firmly loyal or constant; unswerving

Another quality I really admire. Goes right up under having compassion and fortitude.

Again:

The day 24 ruined my life, part 2. I need to go to bed. *sigh*

Confide:
To give as a responsibility or put into another's care; entrust.

Though that definition may be obvious, I like it a lot. To trust.. oh how essential is that aspect of life. Without it, what would that be like? Not like, 'I can't trust anyone, don't get anywhere near me' paranoid, but maybe a sitch that is much more probable in the society we live in. Maybe someone who doesn't trust others with their emotions or with their secrets. Someone who has no one to talk to. That's a lot more realistic. After all, who wants to give others that kind of power over them?

I would be lying if I were to say that I can fully confide in others. I want... I need to learn how to surrender that power. Granted, there's a time and place for things unsaid, but running paranoidally won't get me/you/anyone anywhere. Believe me, I've watched enough 24 to know that people who can't trust each other end up shooting a lot of people.

"How is your heart?" She asks
"Well." He says plainly
"Really?" She quietly questions
"No." He says reluctantly
"Then what?" She inquires patiently
"Tired." He says with a sigh
"From what?" As her heart breaks
"Running."
-A wise, undisclosed person

Dullless:

Seriously, never a dull moment around here. This is definitely my huh of the week, but please don't go around talking about this because it may be embarassing for some. I walk into my house after returning from a showing of Crash, and I find Jason lying in the kitchen doorway and Andy crouched over his head. Andy looks at me and shows me the paper towel that he's holding against the top of Jason's skull. Hmm, that's quite a bit of blood. Jen just came by and took Jason to the hospital to get everything sewn up. Rest assured, the reason for this injury is indeed stupidity. What would you expect?

I had a bit to say at the Crash showing, but I don't think that the discussion that I had in mind would have fit well there. I think a major point people were missing, in regards to the character Ryan Phillipe played, was that he is a 'racist'. Maybe more so than a lot of the other characters in the movie. I think he characterizes most of our culture in how he handles culture. With a nice long, pointy stick that has a piece of cheese impaled on it. He's charitable to people of other cultures, but does it out of guilt. He thinks he's doing good, convinces himself that he is doing so... but as the film shows, he's actually the one who causes the most hurt and damage. The 'racism' that he carries is a lot more subtle and clearly is just as dangerous. Funny thing is, I and a lot of other people do relate to his character best. Not ignorant or blind, but in a position where we continually need to embrace other people for who they are.

Why do all the best huh's of the week come right after small group?

Twentyfour:

The show is ruining my life. I spent probably the majority of my day watching 24 episodes becauces they're just so good and addicting. Seriously, like 7 hours. I feel like they're so well done that anyone, including non-Marlbrough or non-male persons, would easily get hooked so don't you judge. Oh well, I think today I can afford a little slack, but I may be paying for it a little bit later. Random note: I believe tomorrow to be full of complications and parts of it non enjoyable because it might not be potentially all that I feel it could be. Thank you captain vague.

Here's a new game:

What do you see? Can you make up a fun story about the abstract shape? I see a cowboy riding a giant worm. It escaped from an animal mutation lab and the only person who can stop it is the best rodeo cowboy in the world, Chad.


Here's a real drawing, if you consider it real. I used a thick shading pencil on purpose so I could be messy and unrealistic.

Bloodshot:

So I just spent the past 10 hours working on that take home exam. Oh, not to mention the 6 hours of class this morning. And it's 3:30 right now. I think tomorrow might be a day in which I try to recooperate a little. Maybe just lay out on the Mall or find a nice cubby to enjoy the day in. Find me or let me know if you're up for relaxing... company would be good. Life is meant to be shared.

Oldness:

Nothing new:
-No depth
-I like comments
-I like climbing
-Änna cracks me up

Family:

I'm almost certain I went straight to stick figures.

Expression:

I really am bad at expressing myself. Sort of a post-thought from retreat. I know this is one of my many weaknesses... or actually may contribute to my many weaknesses. I just choose not to communicate the condition of my heart so often because I do not know how. Verbally, especially. But also, through touch. As weird as that is, I find it difficult to use physical contact as a way of communicating something... anything deeper than a hand shake. I realize, the more I think about it, that being stoic isn't a quality that I would admire. It doesn't seem to accomplish much.

If I am going to share life with others, that would require me to express my life. One thing that I hope has been helping me is my self expression through drawing. While I have no talent, I am finding that I can spill my soul onto a canvas... or rather, a digital canvas. I guess that's good. As Farrell taught me, there is something beautiful about the process of creation and something intrinsic in us that makes us creative. Examples- God's Creation, Jesus' creativity. Being the non-creative engineer that I am, it's hard for me to embrace the concept. It can only be my hope that I can uncensor myself and spit whatever artistic ability I have onto my screen.

Tonight's drawing is from the retreat and happens to be on paper. Maybe I'll have it handy and you can ask to see it. So in conclusion: Life is our adventure. Take my hand. Let's go.

Winner:

I possibly could check off something from my 43things. Tonight proves that I am the best at wasting time. The list of time wasting activities that I partook in tonight is too extensive to put on here.

This afternoon while Andy and the LARC department were carving pumpkins by Hornbake, I thought to myself, "hmm, I need to get a knife" (since I lost my old one, not because I need two).

Great, now I just spent the past half hour looking at different SAKs...
I've always wanted a one hand blade.

Understand:

Thoughts?

Illadvised:

I am going against my own advice and posting like a maniac. But I couldn't help but waste some time and make one of these. I usually don't aspire to do too much with my future because I like to live in the present, but I found this exercise very helpful by making me think beyond the exam and homework assignments of this week. Plus that's some seriously cool programming on that site. Pretty genious.

Trinity:

Just a thing I've been thinking of recently. I haven't heard many people talk about it, so I don't really know if it's a valid topic at all, but I'll try to explain what is going on in my head.

Often times when we are evaluating each other's spiritual walks, we talk about spiritual gifts that we have. We are all unique and play a different role in the Body of Christ. But lately I've been thinking that my 'spiritual personality' may be because of my sensitivity to the Trinity. What the --- is that supposed to mean? Well there are the three faces of God that we address- Father, Jesus, and Spirit. All one in the same, I believe, but there's too much theological stuff behind the concept to really go into depth here. Flashback...

Fall retreat freshman year, I was praying with someone and I suddenly realized that I was praying that the Spirit would be present in the room. "What does that mean?" I thought. I began to understand, soon after, that the role of the Holy Spirit in my life was something that I barely understood. And since then, it has been quite a learning experience... exploring what it is and letting it act in my life.

So, I think my sensitivity to the Holy Spirit is on a lower level than my sensitivity to the Father or to Jesus. Hmm, this is really hard to explain because it involves separating the Trinity which is typically frowned upon. But anyway, here is an illustration of where I think I am:


Maybe I'm just being blasphemous, but that's just how my response to God is quite often. Maybe this is a good self evaluation that's telling me where I need to grow in.

Unoriginal:

I'm not very free spirited so I just copy off of other people...
Things I'd like to do:
-Go to Europe
-Live in Africa
-Save someone's life
-Fly kites with my friends
-Go to the top of Byrd
-Drag a quarter mile in 15 seconds

Fall:

Fall!

Truth:

Not lying. Will not.

Discipline:

Alright. I will finish this post all the way through, I promise. It's just that I prefer blogging just before I go to bed... and I actually write while in bed, so those conditions have me falling asleep just as I click the "Publish Post" button.

School just seems to be calling for more effort. And I just feel like I need to discipline. What is discipline, though? According to Proverbs and Jeremiah and Hebrews, it has a lot to do with the way God is the Father... the Good Father. A biblegateway search shows the word usually in the context of God parenting us so that we grow up to be strong and healthy. How does that apply to me? I think I click with Hebrews best:

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12:11

I don't know how righteousness and peace will result from me being better trained in studying, but I sure like the sound of it. Righteousness and peace... yum.

(Note to self: future post concerning the Trinity... no, it's not going to be theologically intensive)

Rescue:

So parts of this weekend I felt like I was sleeping and laying around a lot, and that I was wasting my life away. But not so when I think about some of the things I got to do. Overall, I would say this was a superb weekend.

Last night/early this morning, LÄFANANJJ and I went to see RHPS at the Hoff. It was... interesting. I tried to stay open minded and think like Farrell. Who are these people and why are they doing these things? What drives people to come and be excited about this kind of production? Something so extreme and so, seemingly, out there. I certainly don't have answers or conclusions, but atleast last night made me aware that such a subculture does exist.


I like the color blue. I think it has to do with my personality.

What does it mean to be rescued? Random, I know. But it must be a thought dwelling in my subconcious because my hand formed the initial shapes without my mind thinking about it.

Rescue implies pursuit. I know, usually this train of thought goes into the 'epic realm'. Choose your own epic movie and pull that scene where the hero battles off hundreds of enemies to save someone. Sure life is an adventure, but I don't think it's necessary for me to go into the dramatic. So...
Rescue implies pursuit. Other elements- danger, following, drive, passion, etc... Doh, I am quickly fading. That's as far as my thought processes go. Good night.

Ponder:

No explanation from me. Not now, not yet.

Splatter:

When I think about it, today has to be one of the better days I've had in a while. Just very content with what I have in front of me, and very excited about what is being planned ahead. Though I'm not sure how I am supposed to conjure up all this extra time to do these fun things. Things include:
1. Trip out to Appalachain Rocks out in western MD. A bit of a hike and then a lot of rock climbing.
2. Nerf gun game. It's a $10 one time buy in (for a nerf gun that you get to keep and play with!) for something that hopefully will catch on. There are all sorts of games we can organize with all kinds of factors. One example- Terrorists start outside and must assault the house (use of any 3 entrances: front, kitchen, basement door), plant and activate the bomb in a far away room (jeff's room, hit his alarm), and lastly hold the room for 2 minutes without the defending team deactivating the bomb. All this in pitch dark, where each person has their choice of flashlight. Exhilirating! All are invited by the way, no prior experience necessary.
3. Thanksgiving dinner. Still in the works, but I love the idea of being one big family. The talk about food and the possibility of a kiddie table with the lovely ladies of 2301 has me totally psyched. Also, as a family gathering I think it would be a great time of just loving on each other (a stress free, yet organized event).

Tonight's sky is beautiful. I cannot find a way to do it justice. I can only throw some digital paint on a digital canvas to try and grasp the colors (and display absolutely no depth):

Walking across campus, breathing the cool fall air. Laying in the bed of Andy's truck going 40 mph with the lines of tree branches flying by in your peripheral vision, but the the moon and clouds sitting perfectly still. Coming off of the excitement that is Maryland Madness. This is how God reminds me to never complain.

Ache:

I'm not sure what to say about today... other than the fact that I have been carrying around a minor headache with me since noonish. A lot of things happened throughout the day, but I am not really thinking of anything that is worth writing about. That is, extremely out of the ordinary.

I thought I blogged a lot. Not so compared to some people apparently. I mean, I could write a lot more, a lot more often (as in, ever second of class) but I try to exhibit some self restraint in my blogging. I can't give details exactly why that is. I don't know. Anyway, I do find it worth mentioning... some people, lots of blogging.

I really want to draw, but I know that with this headache it's just going to suck. So I won't be wasting my time. Good night, moon.

Late:

It is entirely way too late for me to be up. Just a couple of quick items though.
- I really love hanging out. Not necessarily having to do anything, but just being alive and with friends.
- Starlight. Isn't that an amazing concept? Take a moment to consider it.
- I always forget how much I enjoy gospel happy hour. That's what blogs are for, I guess.
- Really guys, pace yourself on the stalking... otherwise you burn out. Take it from an expert.

HAHAHA:

Ooooh man, this is hilarious how one comment can spread.

http://dannaluv.blogspot.com/2005/10/t-found-fountain-of-youth.html

I'm famous!

Blogosphere:

I was going to post a bit about the slightly strange meeting of bloggers tonight, but that's already been taken care of. I was going to mention somewhere in the conversation something about reported incidents of people being kidnapped and people who have gone missing due to them falling into traps. You know, setting up a meeting over the internet and the person isn't who they say they are. But I didn't mention anything because Tony had spoken about taking risks in part of his talk :)

Gosh darn it. I just spent the past half hour trying to draw something abstract to express something, but it ended up not being abstract at all. So I guess you've been deprived of another 'art-if-you-can-call-it-that' posting. Another time kids, another time.

Boom:

Just a quick post before I GDTB. So in case you didn't hear, there's been a pretty strong odor outside of our front lawn. There was a really bad natural gas leak on the public line apparently. We called the company and they came out and said it was fine and someone will fix it in the upcoming months. Later Saturday night, the smell was worse and we could hear the gas gurgling up out of our lawn. The same guy came out again and said it was okay... even though the air in that area of the lawn was 84% natural gas. He said it wasn't too big of a deal and someone would fix it within a couple of months because it wasn't of high priority. Today the gas company came out with a truck and worked on it all day. The two workers said that if this sort of leak MUST be taken care of the day it is discovered. According to the manual the original worker was using, he was supposed to immediately shut off the gas and labeled the case as an EMERGENCY.

So they fixed it tonight, which is a good thing. Apparently, there was enough gas to blow up the entire right side of the house and driveway, and mostly destroy the rest of the house and the next door neighbor's. Maybe a cigarette or a random spark from something rubbing up against the pavement could have incinerated us all. So that's my 'huh' for the week. Just thought I'd throw that out there. And for now, it's go time.

Stimulate:

Parts of this weekend have been relatively blah. Overall it was good. I can't complain about too much. This week is going to straight up suck with the three exams (one which will be impossible) I must take.

Tonight I found Cdigix. It's pretty neat for my uses. I don't think I'll ever need to port music away from my laptop so the free downloading works out well for me. So next to being creatively stimulated through music, I have also tried to draw... since I haven't done any in a while.

Again, a messed up perspective and no depth. I don't have the artistic ability to see or create those things. Anyway, it's supposed to be a guy horizontal on an outward incline (15 degrees), doing a one armed hang and a flagged left foot. Whatever.

Too bad there's no substance in this post, but it's sleep time so you'll have to wait till another time.

Crash:

Like whoa... that was insanely intense! It turns out that the boys had a movie night (maybe because all the girls where having their own) and we rented Crash. Awesome movie that is straight up bold with the topic that it addresses. I'd highly recommend it, just prepare your mind and emotions to be set into overdrive. Now I don't know if I hate human beings or love them. Oh well... there's a lot of that movie I would like to sleep on.

Speaking of sleep, I haven't gotten much recently and will be getting about 5 hours tonight. Please ignore me if I have been or am irritable. I want to draw, but I can't sacrifice any more sleep time. I suppose I had enough creative expression for today done on my hand. Fine then. Good night.

Sky:

This evening I stayed on campus in hopes of relaxing and watching the sunset sky from McKeldin Mall. I also tried to make a point of taking it in so I could hopefully paint it. But my intentional art never works out. Indeed, it did end up looking more like a beach. I think I have become more and more obsessed... or rather, just more and more in need of creative self expression because engineering completely sucks any expressive energies out of me. Speaking of creative self expression, we're complete tards. Ryan and I went around and serenaded the housemates with ridiculous songs we made up. What a bunch of freaking weirdos.

Random: the past couple of days, I've noticed that some people interject odd phrases or ideas solely for shock effect. No genuineness or purpose to the words. Just an effect... probably to grab attention. Doesn't that seem a bit self centered and foolish? There are times when it's fun and everything, but often it bugs me that people will use words in that way.

More randomness: It took me a while to settle down to enjoy the evening. A lot of the good spots were not available. There seems to be a bug problem around the West Chapel Courtyard area. How gross and disappointing.

Voice:

Random ND-esk drawing:

Though I have no voice, may my life song sing to You.

Despite my sickness, I learned about a part of musical worship that I hadn't experienced before really. I clearly couldn't sing with the condition of my throat. Around the second song, I remembered Julie expressing to me the difficulty of going to Large Group and not being able to participate in that way. While the two conditions are pretty much nothing alike and no where near of the same scale, I feel like I could understand what she meant a bit better. But at the same time, I was challenged to explore the definition of worship... some lyrics come to mind:

When the music fades and all is stripped away

What is the heart of worship? The condition of my heart could use some work. A lot of it has to do with discontentness I think. Whaev.

More randomness: I have the sudden urge to live in an African tribe for a day.

Flake:

In light of Änna's comment, I tried to draw something geometric tonight. For the life of me, I can't seem to come up with anything. I sketched for two hours while I kept Andy company in his studio, and I couldn't conceptualize anything geometric at all. Instead, I drew this.

It could definitely use some more depth. And some leaves, but I was too scared to adventure into the realm of leaf drawing.

I was considering what a fall night looks like. A lot of clearity. The air is crisp and slightly cool, the stars seem like they're at arms length, and everything is still. The darkness and the shapes would usually be frightening, but emptiness of the area surrounding you is instead calming.

Today at the climbing wall, JJ's "Flake" came on the radio (which they usually have blasting out there). It just made for a great time of power climbing and relaxing to some mellow music. I looked up the lyrics tonight to find out what the song was actually saying...
And often times we're lazy
It seems to stand in my way
Cause no one no not no one
Likes to be let down

I hope to be a non-flakey person.

Secret:

Yes, this reflection will in fact be about 13 going on 30. While I typically have a strong distaste for chick flicks, this one I found quite enjoyable. I think it was because I could empathize with some of the characters, or could pick out personalities in the movie that resembled people in my life. I'm not going to go into it much, but I do have a few things to say about the main characters.

(::note:: spoilers about the movie below)
What was it about Matt? I think he was described as being "too nice" which could be part of it. Nice and sweet. And he was sometimes the underdog so you had to cheer for him. The thing that stood out to me was that he was very true to himself. He had so many opportunities to take advantage of Jenna's confusion, but he was faithful to her and to his principles. He didn't let the world change him over the 17 years. And he was faithful to his fiance even though his heart was torn. I'm not really sure. I can't defend his decision given the final exchange, but for some reason I found his actions admirable.

I feel like a lot of the situation is nonapplicable, though. First of all, it's not everyday that a beautiful woman who has it all pursues you. Not to mention, an extremely niave woman. And as a result, it's not everyday that one gets the opportunity to prove one's self like he did. Sticking to his guns, but stepping outside of his box to care for her (ex. the thriller dance). I suppose that is rather applicable. Oh well. Now I'm just babbling and providing contradictory evidence for my arguments.

Dyno:

C'mon blogger, please post the picture...

Sweet. This is an illustration of one of the more difficult moves in climbing. It's called the dyno. As shown, you basically start yourself in a really crouched position, rock yourself back and forth, jump off of the wall, and catch yourself on a hold many feet above where you were. I, of course, am built nothing like the drawing so I can dyno only like three feet. Most people can pop and reach that distance. Just FYI.

Living life alive. Climbing is part of that to me. It's just so exhilirating, and it challenges me physically and mentally every time. Adventurous? It makes me feel like I can go out and scale mountains.


I like acapella. I believe, that of all the senses, I am most sensitive to sound. Not so much that my hearing is great, but I think that it heavily effects my inner self in profound ways. For example, I often need to find some silent time to be truly refreshed. Loud is not bad. In fact, I really enjoy blasting some tunes. I guess it really depends on what I need at the time.

Oddly, I believe that I am pretty open minded about music. You would think someone who is sensitive to sound would be pretty picky about what hits their ears. Not so. Of course, I like some styles and sounds better than others, but I don't think I've found music that I can't listen to.

So the acapella concert was rather soothing and enjoyable. Except for the whispering/talking people behind me who were making rude comments. That didn't sit well with my ears. So I was forced to move away to the balcony. I found out, I like it up there.

Get Skype. That's it. Good night.

Nullspace:

Who says linear combining is boring?

edit: note of interest, there is an image to accompany this thought. Blogger isn't agreeing with me today.

Napoleon:

Downtime:

It's only 10 pm and I think today has already encouraged me. It didn't come easy though.

I feel like in my three discussions today I learned a lot, which is a very rare thing. Even though the homework took several post-class hours and we didn't completely get as far as we hoped, a lot has been accomplished. So that end is kind of in good shape.

I then used my pre-small group time very well. I got to visit and spend time with someone important who... this is too ATTAOTB, so IMMA it IYC.

Small group was incredible. It was sad that a lot of people didn't show up, but I do kind of enjoy the smaller size. I think tonight I asked a lot more questions than I usually ask, but the Lord really used that to teach me. Some simple wisdom about a few points really helped me to understand more about the flow of the passage. Super great!

I did hope we would find more of a focus. In my opinion, which is probably far from humble, I think we skimmed over the full idea being presented to us. Jesus came into this world to bring grace. It's simple, but it's the basis for the whole study and the basis for my life. Okay, maybe we didn't necessarily skim, but I would spend a lot more time thinking and meditating on this platform... this beginning of Jesus' mission of love and grace. Fully and completely, covers every part of me and every part of you. Drink it in, kids.

Blah, monologue. It's a byproduct of the massive amount of sugar I've consumed.
Lately (meaning the past couple of days), my drawings have been really bad. Like, stinking up the place. I'll try some more later tonight and see I'm any better.

Smile:

I love my friends. I am thankful that they were born and Stuff. That's all I've got to say.

Image:

Also, tonight's image post:

May not mean much to you, but means a bit to me. Ask if you really want to know.

Amnesia:

There was something tonight that I thought was pretty interesting/funny. I thought to myself, "I should put it in my blog. Don't forget. Don't forget." But of course, I have already. Don't you hate that? Maybe it's just me and my horrible memory. Maybe my memory isn't horrible, but rather... extremely selective.

Good times tonight. Older people are weird. Wait, maybe it's coming back to me. Maybe this isn't what I wanted to write about, but it is kind of amusing.

At one point, some guy was massaging Ryan Deener's (sp?) back. Apparently that was considered pretty personal. Then the guy proceeded to massage Ryan's head and people were cracking up, I guess because there were implications about such man-to-man contact. But I thought to myself, (apprently I talked to myself in my head all night) "Man, us younger guys do a lot worse things to each other's personal space." I don't know, I suppose I just found it amusing to compare the older graduate standard versus the wild college guys standard. This can't be the thought I'm forgetting because it had to be much more interesting than this. Right?

Partay:

Well that was fun. One word for the Hux estate- wow. I can't dance because I am a stiff person in general. Good to see people. Quite some snazzy people. End of succinct post. What a weird word.

Lucrative:

Indeed, today held a few surprises. First, Jeff went to a BAE career fair. He entered the raffle and won after three names were called and no one claimed the prize. The item? A 60 GB Color Ipod. Valued at $400 new. Now that's just straight up sweet.

While walking to class from the parking lot, I saw in the grass a pair of these. Not a bad find. Since it is already 3 AM, I will not have a drawing posted. I will have to vent my creativity (if you can even call it that) elsewhere.

Good night. Aren't you excited about tomorrow?

Scenic:

Last night the system seemed to be down. So here's a double night post.

At Intermission I found out that Sarah from small group likes to climb. That'll be fun. I also discovered how fond I am of the word 'stuckish'. It's so mucky sounding, and fittingly so. Work has been gross. I can't wait for freedom to come tomorrow evening.

Here's a rough sketch:


I think I really enjoy liminality that naturally and simply flows. There are well defined parts and sections, but the separate entities harmonize so well. The little person figure represents a lot of meaning to me. Not much which need be explained here.

Gee golly. I need to stop writing these so late. I cannot hold onto a thought because I drift off to sleep. Go to bed.

Weird:

Today's piece is rather strange. I feel like it's out of character of me to make this. But maybe not. I should explain. Today I burned a lot of time trying to meditate and refocus instead of doing work. This involved a lot of walking and a lot of sitting. So maybe the piece actually reflects my artistic sensitivity better than my late night or class time drawings. Who knows.



Click to enlarge.

It freaks me out. The first flower petal was simple and very pretty. Then the rest of them I screwed up. Hiding behind a flower? Don't ask me, 'cause I have no idea what I was thinking.

Small group was really cool tonight. One thing that I've heard about co-ed SGs is that the guys tend to dominate the conversation for some reason. I really hope that is not going to be the case. I am very, very eager to learn from each woman in our group. I feel like each of them can teach me something different about what it means to be a man. Sounds weird, but I believe it to be true. I guess this whole part sounds 'player'-ish, but I believe, hope, and pray that my intentions are genuinely pure. I also hope that the other guys can do the same.

More on that, I just thought of something that may be sort of controversial, but I think might be a valid point. Maybe one of the worst things that can happen to a SG is when people put on a show. And especially when studying scripture is it most well masked. I'll be the first to admit, I am 100% guilty of acting in such a way. It's a horrible thing and I hope it doesn't happen anymore. When one of five guys looks out on a group of twenty, chances are he'll see a sea of gals. That should not effect his message. Nor should it effect the reason behind he speaks. I abruptly end with some psalm/shane and shane song reference... because it's late and I'm tired:

"May the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to You."

Grasp:

Here's an attempt to reflect on what I was reflecting on with the last drawing. Sadly, I will be writing more about my obsession with climbing. It's sad because I am obsessed, but not very good at all. Honestly, I can only complete the easiest of routes because I am just not strong enough. But there are still lessons that can be applied here.

Sometimes there is a move that seems just outside of my limits. Actually it's more like all the time. The move tends to be from something weak and ending with a pop to something good. It also usually involves a well placed flag or a strong toe hold. Anyway, there are just so many situations that seem hopeless. But in order to go anywhere you have to face the fact that you might fall. Failing is pretty much inevitable, even for Jeff. In the end, it all boils down to- go for it and give it your all. There's a lot of faith to be learned.

While venturing into the abstract-thought category, I figure I might bring up something else. Today I thought I was beginning to understand what hope is. Then that understanding quickly seemed to escape from me. Hope is something I yearn for. Lately it has been hard for me to find and hold on to.

Still taking in ideas for drawings to work on.

Climb:

Insert deep thought. Too sleepy to write:

Rock:

I don't think anything like this would really ever exist. After all, the colors don't make much sense.
(Click to enlarge)


It makes me happy though because it would be fun to see a place like that. Lots of rock to climb and pretty skies. I don't know how to draw trees though, otherwise I'd throw a couple of those in there. It's up to you to decide what the next one is.

Loco:

It only takes a few hours at the Crazy House before you begin to say 'Lord help us all...'

:) Love those kids.

A lot of my art work as of late has either been non share-able or just straight up bad.

Lake:

And this is what happens when I get really bored in class.

(Click for a much better looksy)

Beautiful:

Tonight reminded me of how blessed I am to be surrounded by beautiful women. How shallow does that sound? Just let me explain.

I feel like I have been learning a lot about appreciating inner beauty. I find that I am really attracted (disclaimer: you know what I mean) to those that care about the little things. When someone worries about the most obscure detail in someone else's life, it shows that they genuinely care and want to be involved in the things that are important to that person. It makes me smile and warms my heart.

Another trait of inner beauty that I noticed is being appreciative of the gifts they've been given. There's truth in their 'thank you'. I don't think the proper reply is 'you're welcome' because that's too standard of a reply for something that's so heart felt.

Right along with that, they definitely have good vision. They can see where those gifts come from and can see where they need to use them so that they can do the kingdom work set out before them. And to bring everything full circle, a beautiful gal can see the inner beauty in others.

Oh and that physical beauty thing... the women have that covered too, but that doesn't really matter. I suppose I just wrote about Proverbs 31, but didn't think about it until now.

Divert:

I was considering writing a little about what it means to be a 'tool' according to society these days. No, I don't feel like discussing that right now.

Climbing is pretty addictive. I want to get stronger and reach higher. One lesson that I have been taking away from it- it takes a lot of faith to let go of a hold and lunge for one higher up.

Too wiped to write about some of the stuff I'd like to. Every five words I zone out.

Babble:

I have been getting very tongue tied as of late. Maybe it's because I have been overly nervous around certain people.

Fight:

To be who I am. It's difficult when I set my sights on the wrong things. It's not about where I am or how clever I can be or how relevant I want to be in their life. A mission and adventure lies ahead of me and that's where I need to focus. And then from there, everything else depends on how their vision is calibrated to mine.

Tiff:

"but neither self preservation,
nor fear,
and not even wisdom for wisdoms sake,
but wisdom patterned after the cross
should be the motivation for our every breath"

- the last-line-put-into-action person

There's a lot of my thinking that I just need to change.

Novel:

I discovered that some people can read me like a book. I guess I'm not very deep.

I enjoyed meeting freshman in SGs (yeah plural). I like them, and they encourage me. But at the same time, they make me feel old. A lot of them won't talk to me. I don't see how I could be intimidating.

Controversy:

I don't like politics. I think discussion about politics is ridiculous... but I am going to throw in my ridiculous two cents anyway.

I think the only way we, the general public, learn about politics is through the media. Today's media is really lousy and counter productive. I could support that statement with some amazing evidence, but I don't feel like doing that now.

Since no one will agree about politics, whether you're Republican or Democrat... or Independent, Communist, Vegetarian... Christian or non-Christian, I am trying to think outside of the box. I call it Vigilanteism. Imagine all US foreign policy controlled by vigilantes. If some group of people felt passionate about helping tsunami victims, they would go over there and spend their money and time helping people. If some people felt passionate about some injustice in South America, they would gather their own para-army, buy guns and plane tickets, and shoot some bad guys. People wouldn't be paying taxes for foreign relations so they would have the money to do those sort of things.

I don't actually believe in this, mainly because it's pretty much Anarchism with a slight twist, but it's a great way to stump people. There's no flaw to the design, if you rationalize it enough. And it's so out there that there aren't too many pre-designed arguments against it.

My brother tried to build up some controversy about US foreign policy, but it didn't stand up to my Vigilanteism. Try me, it's fool-proof. (Not including ethical issues... those don't count for anything)

Conflict:

I really, really dislike conflicts. It makes me uneasy. Standard defense mechanism (seems to apply to any type) that I use: humor.

Contemplation:

Still hands and sunken hearts. Cold.

Vision:

I came into summer with expectations of this semester. They were pretty radical and lofty, but the also very deep. Somehow coming back to those expectations leaves me very tired. Almost heavy hearted in some sense. Maybe brokenness is the right word. Anyway, summer was a good time away from it all. But as Tiff pointed out to me once, maybe it was just a time to run away from what I needed to confront. I'm not sure how to respond to that challenge (and I'm sure you don't because my stream of conciousness doesn't make any sense because I am being extremely vague).

Thought: by censoring myself, I lose the full meaning... or actually lose all meaning together so that what I write doesn't make sense at all.

Drained, tired, and unsure.

Groceries:

So this afternoon and evening was pretty much completely spent doing grocery shopping. First I went to Costco with Jeff and then after that I went to Shoppers with Andy. I think the time span went from 3 to 10. The sad thing is that I didn't even really buy much food. It's sort of depressing, thinking that I wasted a whole bunch of my day. I suppose it wasn't bad, but just in that specific perspective.

Anyway, I ran into (relatively) a bunch of people that I know today, given the fact that I spent a good amount of time just sitting in one corner of the union and some more time up in North Campus where I know few people. There are a few people that I would have really, really liked to have run into today, just because I haven't had much time to do that whole catching up thing with them yet.

I really love how much being in this house makes me feel like I'm in a crazy family. And I love how there are just a constant flow of people coming and going.

Tomorrow is a long and hard day. But I think we're making home made BBQ chicken pizza and smoothies tomorrow. Yum.

What?:

I found it absolutely hilarious... walking out of commons and running into AZ and Brita. Andy goes "Who's this?" standing right across from Brita and pointing at her. Maybe it's just me.

Family:

Today went from blah to totally cool. After getting back here from church, Mr. Wahba came by to see the place. It has been too long, so it was good to update. Then we went out and took down a tree. That was insanely scary and hilarious at the same time. I then proceeded to cook my first dinner at the house. It was pretty delicious. Lime chicken seared with honey over rice with a side of green peas. Some of us guys went out to the driving range. I think I did pretty terribly for my first time. I doubt I will ever get into golf. It's such a rich-person game, I don't think the whole environment could really fit me. Oh, plus I whiff a lot. We proceeded to cook a massive amount of rice krispies treats while broiling a full rack of spare ribs. It was an impulse buy from Giant... Andy and I couldn't help it. An absolutely delicious impulse buy at that.

There are times in the house where traffic gets pretty busy. People just show up for a bit and leave whenever. It really feels like a big family living here. It's fun. It's also ridiculously late.

Yearn:

What do you yearn for?

Stalk:

So I am back and feeling more complete now. Sad, no? The techy part of Marlbrough is starting to come together. As it is with everything else in the house, the networking setup is overkill. It's a 6 bedroom house. With two wireless router access points.....

Also, if you want to watch a movie, then this is the place to do it. The sound system is pretty sweet. Seriously, check it out. Come on by.

Recently I have been doing a lot of analyzing of room setups and designs. Practicallity, center pieces, seating, colors, patterns, and other room dynamics have been consuming a lot of my discussion topics. I have a pretty big thing with angles. Right angles are fine and efficient, but if you can pull off an offsetted angle then the room has the potential to be really attractive. I don't know. Enough of that.

The Leadership Retreat was good. It pretty much forced me to work on some things that I otherwise would not have thought much about. I suppose that's sort of its purpose. I had a little trouble concentrating, but there could have been factors which would have made it worse. Whatever, got to stay thinking positive.

Tomorrow I get my rice cooker. This thing is really sweet. It's rather ghetto because one of the legs is missing and a little piece of balsa wood has to be used to balance it out, but it makes some awesome rice. I am excited for my rice. I am going to try something new tomorrow evening with the rice. I will try to see what is the best way to get the rice steamed with green onions. There's got to be a certain time and certain way of cutting the onions so that it's attractive and the flavor doesn't get bitter. My mind now wanders to some deeper things than cooking, so now it is time for me to stop.

Dropout:

As school approaches and things begin to get more busy, one can usually observe a significant drop in biog activity. With everybody once again in close quarters, internet updates become less necessary. Typically, I try my best to remain faithful, mostly just out of principle.

Sunday turned out to be awesome. Jeff and Kristal showed up. Then Andy and his dad. Then Ryan. It became an insane moving party really quickly. My arms and back ache like crazy, though. Kristal says we are in the honeymoon stage with our house, and that we are stuck in this mindset that we will have a bunch of people over everyday. I really hope that it will happen. I am also really excited about giving tours.

Not too much going on today except Chick fila in the evening. I may be back to double post.

Beginnings:

Unless you have been to the house within the past few hours, then you have no idea what the interior looks like. A whole lot of work has been done to start getting things in place. I think my back is beginning to ache a little. There is a whole lot that still needs to be done, and I'm beginning to worry about group grocery shopping. That will end up being a lot of work also.

But before I drop off the face of the internet world again, let me update with some scheduling. Tomorrow I go back to the house until sometime Monday evening. Tuesday evening into Wednesday morning I will be going to a Chick Fila opening so I won't be around. Hopefully Thursday and Friday I should be able to get to campus and hang around/ help people move stuff. And then there's leadership stuff. Also by Thursday we should have our internet installed so I should be back to my regularly scheduled programming.

Oh yeah, I put the first coat of paint on today. It's different than what I first thought, but exactly what I wanted.
My furniture is not that nice at all. I don't really have any furniture actually.

Limestone:

This is me standing outside of Limestone. I figured I could walk over and steal their internet for a sec.

Efficiency:

Today I switched browses. Big deal, right? Well, it took me a good while to customize it to the way I like. I left Firefox because of it's problems with handling the TIP. Long story short, it had compatibility issues with some tablet features. Enough boring stuff, onto the coolness. With just two clicksI can open up all of the pages that I regularly read or use.

That's like 8 different blogs all at once! Plus the 40 some people who I am connected to via xanga. Now that's some pretty quality stalking efficiency. Now about this buddy list info stalking...

Due:

Up way too late as usual.

Linked:

Click to read

Banquet:

Tonight's wedding banquet brings to mind two thoughts.

One, ESP seems to be in abundance these days. I get on my friend's case about him not putting his napkin on his lap. He says 'fine' and puts the napkin on his lap. Later in the dinner, he drops some fish on his lap. Major save for those pants, and I do the whole 'I told you so' thing.

Two, it's strange seeing church people go to an event and drink. Not heavily, but enough to noticably loosen them up. You can begin to tell which statements they are only voicing because they have a little liquid encouragement in their systems. It's just... a weird experience. Enough babbling.

Ohh, tomorrow marks the first official day of moving into the Marlbrough Mansion.

Arts:

Expression of thoughts or feelings.

There's something very strange about this sketch. But it describes my state of mind very well. I can't really explain it, so let's just let it be.

Wednesday:

So today is Wednesday again so you can probably guess what at least one of the topics I'll discuss is going to be. Episode three proved to be pretty interesting with a lot of development on the overall plot, but revealed very little about the characters themselves. It's certainly a quality plot/mystery, though.

Note to self: never meet up with someone at a McDonalds. Today I set up lunch with Kristi the staff worker. I went to the McDonald's on 124 near Airpark Dr near Flower Hill. Turns out she went to the one on 124 near Airpark Dr about .8 miles north. We still had lunch, but had to work through that crazy fiasco. Lesson learned.

This post is scattered and poorly written. I can't multitask at all. TV is distracting me.

Visits:

Yes, I was in that 295 traffic that everyone was talking about today.

I got to make some awesome visits today. I like Chipotle. Dana (and Anne's) house is beautiful! I really like the colors they have. They're so solid and classy. I definitely love the fact that it doesn't have that "cookie-cutter" feel that most places have. I think it has a lot to do with the angles. I like a house with non-90 degree angles. Maybe I should look for a house with an octagon room.

So I am doing a pretty good job of doing visits thus far. My week is grabbing a few more events, but I am still open to do a lot of visiting. Just let me know.

I am trying to find something exciting to go do.

Oh yeah, I skipped my nap today again. Exhausted.

Tabletting:

You know I could go on and on about it (and I guess I already have), but I will do my best to spare you and only say a little.

Here is a picture of it sitting in a position that shows off the hinge flexibility. Yes, the screen is sitting flat on top of the keyboard. Completely impractical, but completely cool. Okay, I am done.

Lately, I have been staying up relatively late even though I have to get up quite early. I tell myself that since I am getting up at 6 and doing all my chores in the morning, I can then take a nice nap to make up for the lack of sleep. For some reason, the ability to nap has been sporatic regardless of how exhausted I am.

Changing subjects completely, as I often do... I wish I were a better artist. I was thinking about creative thinking (that sounds stupid) and classified my artistic abilities as being rather inside-of-the-box. So I don't think it is really that creative if I just sit inside of the rules. Anyway, this is what made me wish I could draw better/ be a better artist:

There are a lot of neat art programs, I just can't think of how to use them.