Some things are just bigger than us

What's the point of being negative? First, let's all be thankful for the many good things going on. Second, let's be constructive in what can be improved.

Simplify. This mathematical command can similarly be applied to life. Determine the greatest common factor, or the most dominant stressor and remove it from the equation. It doesn't have to be there- I promise you.

The antithesis of seeking simplicity doesn't come to me as an inherently bad thing. After all, adding complex elements to our lives is what keeps them interesting and entertaining. But I think in today's environment we tend to pick up drama, societal expectations, etc. more easily than shed them. So in order to find one's sanity amidst all the chaos, 8/16 -> 1/2.

I know I may be stating the obvious, but somehow I can't wrap my mind all the way around the concept - it is absolutely paramount that one is happy with who they are. We may be wanting, greedy, or challenge-driven creatures that defy that feeling of being content, which is fine, but I've been thinking that those and other characteristics must prioritize second.

Now, the objective and goal is clear, though I have not the slightest clue on how to get there or if it's even possible.

Bi-losing.

Hmmm... I must be doing something right.

So maybe the cliche "everything happens for a reason" is rather indefensible. Saying "some things happen for a reason" is not particularly telling. Perhaps slightly tangent yet still fitting would be "there is always a lesson to be learned."

Inertia is a property of matter.

Often times I observe how life has it's own momentum. When a few key things start getting good, more good things follow and vice versa. Feast or famine. The tricky part is finding out what those key things are and how to jump start them in the right direction. But once that's done, the rest should follow.

Momentum and inertia are different things, as momentum is not a property of matter.

I've been thinking about what makes up a good person. 'Good' in the more archaic sense might be connotated with being generous, but that is fairly one-dimensional compared to how we throw around the word these days. Also traditionally one might define a good person as of high moral value, though I feel there's been a strong permeation of relative morality in atleast the world I live in so that definition doesn't hold much meaning.

I guess I would say it is someone who is kind-spirited, both well-intentioned and sensible, and has a positive outlook. Maybe that's an odd combination of characteristics, but it sounds right to me. And as broad of a definition as it might seem, I feel like the times have been few and far between that I've met someone of good standards. It's really quite refreshing.

Do you ever think about how ridiculous our petroleum based fuel system is? The crude is pumped from somewhere in the Middle East and then shipped over here in a giant tanker. Then it's refined at some plant in the middle of the country, only to be driven in a gas tanker to be delivered to your local gas station. Then we have to drive to the gas station to fill up. Every single part of the process consumes it's own product along the way.

What if you had a solar panel that fed into a battery during the day, which charged your car overnight at your house? Beast.

Take me to the grid.

Words cannot express how much I would like to be a stay at home husband or father.

I've been working on this new sleeping experiment for a while.

For the past 6 plus months, I have consciously played several games of solitaire (single draw) every night right as I get into bed. I'll play as many games as needed as long as I win about 2 or 3. The effort is to ultimately self-program myself to sleep using a mild brain stimulation pattern. Solitaire is perfect because it uses the same patterns, strategies, and actions. The opposite would be to kick around on Facebook in bed, as every entry is unique and elicits an emotional response.

So do I have any successes to report? It's hard to tell. Probably about 99% of the time, playing is the last thing I can remember about going to bed, but there are too many variables that prevent me from deriving any conclusive evidence. For example, I think I typically run at an above average tiredness rate compared to others, so the fact that I knock out quickly might just be because I'm exhausted all the time. Other patterns skew the experiment such as me going to bed around the same time every night.

Perhaps in another 6 months I'll have gathered better evidence on whether or not the experiment is working. This may call for a spreadsheet to use as recordkeeping.

i'm so fly i fell asleep on the plane

I love traveling.. even for a short time or a short distance, though the longer and further the better. One day when I have my own private jet, I will fly to a different place every night.

The Problem with Smart Grid:

Today's energy lesson is on the problem with the Smart Grid. First of all, there is no single definition for Smart Grid, so there is enough confusion stemming from that. But really I'd like to discuss Time of Use (TOU) rates and general future the industry is envisioning.

So I've already mentioned the concept of peak shaving, but let's hit it again. Everybody gets home from work, turns out their air conditioning, starts cooking dinner, and flips on the lights and tv all around the same time between 6 pm and 7 pm. If we say that to serve all of this load we need 1000 MWs and our powerplants can produce 10 MWs, we need 100 powerplants just to serve that one hour between 6 pm and 7 pm. The goal behind TOU rates it to encourage consumers to consider doing some things at different times so that maybe that 1000 MWs over one hour might be 500 MWs over two hours or, even better, 333 MWs over three hours. Then you'd only need to have 50 or 34 powerplants. The mechanism to spur this behavior is the cost of electricty from 6-7 pm versus the cost of electricity from 7-8 pm. Also the technological piece that aids in this behavior are smart appliances, which are programmable to the extent that you can at least load your dryer at 6 pm, but tell it to start running at 8 or 9 pm when electricity rates are lower.

So this all sounds fine and dandy, but do you think that your parents or grandparents will really grasp and embrace this concept? Consider how deeply engrained into our patterns and mindset the fact of instant electricity is. Also people in general are stubborn and self-centered, where a small amount of inconvenience to them is not worth the greater benefit for the whole community. Maybe I have little faith in the human ability to adapt.

EV's:

On Friday I had the opportunity to attend a technical conference on electric vehicles hosted by the the Maryland Public Service Commission. There were representatives from Ford, DOE, PJM, Delaware University, and several regional utilities speaking on the future impact of electric vehicles on the grid. Really the presentations were quite layman in my opinion; not nearly as technical as it might sound.

For those of you who don't know, battery electric vehicles are cars that run on a battery that will generally allow you to travel 40 miles per charge. That charge could cost you as little as a dollar on your electric bill versus the 1.5 gallons of gas you'd use which right now would probably cost you $4 or $5. Plus you're not blowing emissions out of your tailpipe. Of course the trade off in emissions is that they are produced at the power plant and losses are afforded through the wires, but energy produced and delivered at a power plant is many, many times more efficient than a combustion generation process in your car. Think of all that excess heat your engine generates.

So electric vehicles are awesome and the way of the future. There are many ancillary applications in the grand scheme of EV's, such as how they support the growth of wind and solar generation or how they will effect the prices in the energy market, but those are more complex concepts and you are welcome to ask me about them in detail if you'd like.

Tea Party: something little girls do these days

I don't usually like watching people get embarassed. I don't typically enjoy getting political, though I do read some of the news. This is just too good to pass up, though.

Sometimes while I'm taking a whiz at work I'll see a fat employee walk into one of the stalls behind me. I immediately think to myself, "I gotta get the hell outta here." Is that wrong?

Work is usually full of nerd stuff which typically bores most people, but there are a few cool programs where if people understood a few of the engineering concepts behind them, they'd be much more interested in participating. For example, take the PeakRewards program. Essentially, the program allows BGE to remotely control your central air conditioning during a few days throughout the summer for a lump sum rebate paid back to you. Now the obvious benefit is that it forces the customer to conserve energy then and there at the cost of potential minor discomfort. The other part is that on the whole, energy is more expensive for BGE to buy during those peak times when your AC would be running, so the energy market will eventually reflect lower prices as per the lower demand. One of the bigger benefits that most people don't realize is that transmission, distribution, and all equipment associated with electricity delivery become less efficient if heavily loaded at those peak times, and typically the design only calls for appropiate peak capability. Significant shaving of peak loading can lead to exponentially fewer losses on the transmission and distribution systems. Lastly, the least addressed benefit is the curtailment of capital expenditures associated with designing for peak loading operations. For example, when everybody turns on their AC from 5-7 pm in the summer, the load on a transformer may reach 35 MW for a 30 minute period. If the transformer is only designed to facilitate 33 MW, we'd have to spend $5 million on upgrading that transformer. Sufficient enrollment in PeakRewards may shave that peak below 33 MW, thus deferring or all together dismissing the need for spending all that money on an upgrade. Eventually, those savings to the company are passed back to the customer through rate casing.

I may be a nerd, but everybody wins.

I have work to do, but it is simply work that I don't want to do right now.



Two weeks ago I put in an order for a pen and today it came into the office supply cabinet.

Uniball's Jetstream RT. It writes pretty smoothly, but the best feature is that the ink is smear resistant. The office already had the cap-style version, but I prefer retractable.

Also, I have been drinking as much water as I can. I then try to pee at the same urinal to see how much progress I can make on melting the urinal cake.

Dear Chinese commenter: I appreciate the attention and your efforts in posting links as comments, but I cannot read Chinese so it is all lost on me.

I can't wait to watch more Veronica Mars. She is perfectly sassy. I wish Kristen Bell really was like Veronica, and not some complete bore on Twitter.

What a hot birthday weekend. Nice and easy.

I think it's pretty hip to treat AC as a true luxury. Consider what people used to do in the old days.

I am very much looking forward to jumping into a pool next weekend.

the Greendale Community College Humans

I was thinking about this for a while last night. Say:

Alex of Filipino ethnic background and Allison of Nordic background have a child, Brandon.

Carl of Ghana and Cathy of Native American decent have a child, Deborah.

What does Brandon and Deborah's child, Edgar, look like?

What does Edgar and Jasmine's child look like, given Jasmine's grandparents are of Asian, Middle Eastern, other European, etc. decent?

My goal for the rest of the year: keep on travelling a ton.

List:

1. Build a dynasty
2. Burn it to the ground
3. Rebuild it better

My friends. You bow to no one.

http://www.stansborough.co.nz/store/new-edition-lotr-cloak/product.aspx

1100 NZD = 778.80 USD

And what good would that be without one of these:

http://www.replicadungeon.com/lotr-elven-brooch.html

I would crush this if it weren't $600. Well, maybe...

I cannot understand people who are my age or are of my generation that support Glenn Beck. I think my expectations of older generations are more lenient in terms of open-mindedness given that they did grow up in a different time and different world.

I was reading through the Wikipedia page on Glenn Beck after seeing a slightly disturbing article addressed to him, and found it to be quite a lengthy page. Instead of trying to get into any analysis of his history or views, I'll provide a few quotes which I found interesting.

"Glenn Lee Beck was born in Everett, Washington, on February 10, 1964, to William and Mary Beck."

"In 1977, William Beck filed for divorce against Mary due to her increasing alcoholism."

"Beck has described his mother's death as a suicide in interviews during television and radio broadcasts."

"In 1999, Beck married his second wife, Tania. They joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in October 1999, partly at the urging of his daughter Mary."

"Radio historian Marc Fisher has posited that Beck is "first and foremost an entertainer, who happens to have stumbled into a position of political prominence.""

"Beck, then 23, was partnered with a 26-year-old Arizona native Tim Hattrick to co-host a local "morning zoo" program. During his time at Y-95, Beck cultivated a rivalry with local pop radio station KZZP and that station's morning host Bruce Kelly. Through practical jokes and publicity stunts, Beck drew criticism from the staff at Y-95 when the rivalry culminated in Beck telephoning Kelly's wife on-the-air, mocking her recent miscarriage"

"After leaving Houston, Beck moved on to Baltimore, Maryland and the city's leading Top-40 station, WBSB, known as B104. There, he partnered with Pat Gray, a 27-year-old morning DJ. During his tenure at B104, Beck was arrested for speeding in his DeLorean with one of the car's gull-wing doors wide open. According to a former colleague, Beck was "completely out of it" when a B104 manager went down to the station to bail him out."

"At WKCI, Beck and Gray co-hosted the local four-hour morning show, billed as the Glenn and Pat Show. On a 1995 broadcast of the show, Alf Papineau pretended to speak Chinese during a taped comedy skit. When an Asian-American listener called to complain, Gray and Beck made fun of the caller and played gongs in the background while Papineau spoke in a mock-Chinese accent."

"Chris Balfe, president of Beck's company, Mercury Radio Arts, said that the reason Beck came to Fox was because of president Roger Ailes, remarking that they "have a fantastic relationship"."

"As of September 2009 Beck's program drew more viewers than all three of the competing time-slot shows on CNN, MSNBC and HLN combined."

"In late August 2009, the mayor of Mount Vernon, Washington, Beck's hometown, announced that he would award Beck the Key to the City, designating September 26, 2009 as "Glenn Beck Day". Due to some local opposition, the city council voted unanimously to disassociate itself from the award. The key presentation ceremony sold-out the 850-seat McIntyre Hall and an estimated 800 people, both supporting and opposing the event, demonstrated outside the building."

"In 2006, Beck remarked to Muslim congressman-elect Keith Ellison, a guest on his show, "I have been nervous about this interview with you, because what I feel like saying is, 'Sir, prove to me that you are not working with our enemies.' And I know you're not. I'm not accusing you of being an enemy, but that's the way I feel." Ellison replied that his constituents, "know that I have a deep love and affection for my country. There's no one who's more patriotic than I am, and so you know, I don't need to — need to prove my patriotic stripes." Beck's question, which he himself suggested was "quite possibly the poorest-worded question of all time," resulted in protests from several Arab-American organizations."

Huh?

I'm not particularly informed of the details regarding the new health care bill.

On the internets, I saw many Republicans title their reaction articles with the quote "So this is how liberty dies... to thunderous applause," and I thought to myself- "I know this quote, but it can't be."

Yes indeed, the quote originates from the classic Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith; spoke by none other than Natalie Portman in her riveting performance as Senator Amadala of Naboo. Not Braveheart, but SW Ep3. People must have Barack confused with Pope Benedict XVI?

And if you're going to quote Star Wars, at least use the originals. It's a trap!

It looks as if I'll be missing the delivery today. Just will have to pick it up from the distribution center.

Bright:

Pros:
-Hot
-Australian
-Olympic Gold Medalist

Cons:
-Mormon
-Engaged (minor)
-Horse-gummed (minor)

1260 double mctwist

Over the past few years, I've developed an aversion to people who I would describe as abrasive. Perhaps that is just another way of saying the ambiguous term "people who rub me the wrong way," so I will try to add some definition to the concept:

- Intolerants. There are many different masks worn to create layers over intolerance- overcompensation, humor, self-victimization, etc. It always comes out eventually, though, if it is there.

- Self deceptionists. Being self aware does not exclude being self deceived. I can observe that I continue to make poor decisions and at the same time believe I am always right.

- Bossy people. I don't think there is anything wrong about putting yourself first or getting what you want. I think it becomes problematic when such things come at the expense of others.

- Rude gusses. Those who skipped kindergarten or first grade rules. Don't interrupt people, use "please" and "thank you", take your turn in line, don't be a criminal.

I like most people who are not abrasive.

On that note:

http://autocompleteme.com/

Google:

Really, really bored at work.

Queenan:

We deal in deception here. What we don't deal with is self-deception. In five years, you might be anything else in the world, but you won't be a Massachusetts State trooper.

j:

I had a series of interesting/weird dreams last night.

In one of them, someone was telling me about how their grandfather just inexplicably dropped dead. Suddenly I was reliving that scene with them. It was their grandfather's birthday and the whole family was gathered to surprise him. The party was for ninja themed... I don't know. The grandfather was surprised when he walked out and saw ninjas spinning bows and a bonfire with ninja ceremonies going on around it. After that the party went inside to cut the cake and he was giving joyous hugs to all of his family when, suddenly, he froze up stiff and literally fell like a tree. End of dream.

Then I was in this post-apocalyptic city, wandering through buildings and basements. I recall lots of stairwells and climbing through broken windows, with no particular destination in mind. Eventually I ended up on this parking lot property underneath a highway and heard someone coming. For some reason I knew that I was on their property, so I tried to hide behind some hanging ropes? But from a distance he spotted me and has his dog attack. I stood my ground as the dog charged, and when it leapt at me I used its momentum to swing it around right back at its owner. End of dream.

i:

Here goes round 2.

h:

For every action there is a consequence. For each consequence there is a choice in responsibility.

g:

These days when I see open spaces, I just want to go. Same phenomenon of seeing the mileage signs for Denver on I-70 and wanting to just keep on driving. Part of it is a desire to escape. Part of it is a desire to be irrational. Part of it is because running through an open field is cool.

F:

"The rest of your life" is a difficult thing to face. I think back to when I broke my thumb, and when the cast came off the doctor told me I would never have my full range of motion or full strength in it again. I gave up learning guitar at that point because I couldn't bar anymore, which is not a sacrifice of monumental proportions, but just one of the realities of that "the rest of your life" example.

And then there are the things that don't really last forever, but certainly feel like they will. Probably the most common example is heartbreak.

I don't know when I'll be able to move on. It feels like never, but I should know better. What a mind trip.

.....

It's like rebreaking a bone. For a while something hasn't been growing right or healing normally. The only solution is to break the bone and reset the healing process. It hurts like all hell for some undetermined amount of time - days, months, maybe years- but there is the hope that eventually it'll be healthy. And then there is the very common aftermath of permanent damage. Loss in range of motion, stress pains, etc. that persist. I don't know how to cope with the pain. Part of me wants to just get away. For some reason, Argentina and Switzerland don't sound too far fetched to be in by the end of the week.

Bottom:

Some days you gotta take steps of faith. Some days you gotta take leaps.

Toot:

Last night, I was asked what the tuning of a violin is. I blanked and it took me a while to figure it out. It's pretty sad when the basics slip after seeking mastery of an instrument for many years. Kind of the same as asking a math major what addition is or an English major what a noun is, and them being unable to answer on the fly.

This story is not all bad. In an exercise of curiousity, I tried to remember the tone of an A note ("note" and "tone" have the same letters but mixed up... weird) and hum it. The A is the tuning string of a violin- the first thing you learn how to play and the first note played before every performance. A few guesses later, I had found something that sounded right and matched it up with the piano app on my iphone. Spot on! I suppose something is still ingrained in there. It's certainly not perfect pitch, but perhaps best described as tonal memory. Happens.

Yogging:

I know I have been given a gift that I do not utilize.

My senior year of high school I began to run once a week. My dad would wake me up super early to run the 2 mile route he had run every morning for as long as I could remember. The first month was pretty rough for me, as it usually goes when getting physically active, but after that it didn't take long for me to smoke my dad and my siblings without the need to catch my second wind. My frame is naturally not useful for heavy lifting, or quickness, or balance even. Efficiency is more fitting.

Spring of sophomore year I tried to start up running once again, after my ever present slothness put an end to any exercise shortly after I was on my own at school. I think the catalyst was the objective to get in shape to endure a backpacking trip, which I believe I was successful at that. Anyway, I tried to find people who would run with me to help keep me consistent, but with little avail. So I went solo, mostly out from North Campus down to the Chapel courtyard where I could spend some time meditating before jogging back. Of course, that fell off quickly for the same reasons previously cited and since then I can count on one hand the number of times I've run (that's over the past 4 years). Sad, I know.

With my lungs probably shrunken now to the size of prunes, my arteries thoroughly clogged with the gloriousness of unhealthy foods, and my ever wavering mental determination- I dread trying to start up running again. It would be a painful, yet good thing for me. I hope that by thinking about it enough, I can guilt myself into doing it. I guess that's the sort of motivation I need.

Clockwork:

Meditations:

That which is pressing. That which is observed. That which is understood. That which must be let go.

For most of the time the world is out of focus. Everything around me is less real or consequential, as if the edges of things become blurry and the colors dull. Instead I am caught in my head where there is this buzz- not because of the gears turning or thoughts flying around, but because there is numbness and a lack of clear orientation.

On occassion I will break out of this fog for a few moments. As if thinking clearly and deliberately also results in me being able to notice the fine features of the royal blue pen that sits on my desk, along with the rest of the world around me. It is simply imagined that focus is clarity.

I think most people experience the opposite where they see the present for the most part instead of having a near permanent overlay of this false reality stew, cooked up from dwelling in the past and dreaming of some future. I do not necessarily envy their vision, since the present is not all that matters. I do wish I could break through the clouds to see the sun more often.

Mirrors:

Consider your former self. How far back do you think you could go such that he/she would be able to recognize well your current self? I mean not just in the physical sense, but in the holistic sense of what defines you as a person. For me, I think myself from about four years ago wouldn't have too much trouble understanding who I am and who I have become. Much more prior to that I think would be a stretch. Myself from one year ago? I think if we blindfolded ourselves and spun around ten times, neither of us would be able to discern any difference.

It's funny. I think if I were to ask the people around me how much I have evolved or grown, they would argue differently and say that perhaps the change has not been drastic, but certainly something they have perceived one way or another. The case most likely stands for everybody, since self perception is inherently so diluted by us being with ourselves all the time. So what does any of this mean? I don't know.

Grammatical:

On the back of the bathroom stall doors here at work, there are signs with a few points about sanitation and hygenics. The last point ends by saying "the dirt and germs you leave behind can harm others." Whenever I read that, the wording makes me unsettled... what sounds better to me would be "the dirt and germs you leave behind can be harmful to others" because dirt is an inanimate object. Now I am no expert on grammer, but I feel like I'm in the right on this. Agree or disagree?

Incurable:

I am so tired. The kind where sleep doesn't do any good.

Productivity:

Sometimes it is hard to be motivated at work--

me: haha
  
i want guacamole
5:12 PM 
Matt: i should have been a roman emperor
  
go get some
  
look at you, you're like a bag of hungryness
 
me: a sack, even
 
Matt: haha
5:13 PM 
yeah but it could be a marble sack, or a potato sack...big size difference
  
a bag is general you know around the same size
  
unless its a snack, sandwich, or lunch bag
5:14 PM 
me: there aren't very big bags though... like few reach the size of a sack
 
Matt: yes
 
me: body bag perhaps
 
Matt: true story hippos
5:15 PM 
and baseball bags
 
me: hockey bag
  
that's all i can think of
 
Matt: yeah i was squinting because i was thinking hard
 
me: for sacks, you have all kinds of produce that comes in sacks
  
peanuts too
5:16 PM 
Matt: none as big as the potato though
 
me: i don't know anyone who has a marble sack
 
Matt: i have a marble sack
  
they had marble sack in the movie major league 2 as well
5:17 PM 
me: that's just unamerican

Knobs:

Sometimes I feel like this:


A fireman arrives at the scene of a house on fire. He busts the front door down and does a quick search for anyone inside and finds that no one was home, at which point he decides to do his best to isolate the fire by moving furniture and removing air flow. When he's done all he can inside, the fireman lays out his hose and hooks it up to the nearest hydrant and prepares to fight the fire, confident that he can minimize the damage. But when he goes to turn on the water, the valve knob which should be as easy to operate as a kitchen sink faucet just won't budge. He uses whatever leverage he can find to turn it, but his attempts are useless. So, he plops down on the ground and watches the house burn...

Spaces:

As of late, I have been almost exclusively been listening to classical and country music. My ties to classical music and thoughts on it have been somewhat discussed in past posts, so you're welcome to browse through those as you please. It's nice to listen to when I go to bed because it's comparitively abstract.

I've changed my default car radio station to the local country station, which is a pretty sharp contrast to the hip hop station it used to be sitting on. Back in the day, around my sophomore year of high school, I picked up listening to country music mainly because I was intrigued by the fiddle/violin interludes. I stuck with it for a couple of years up until my sophomore year of college when my music tastes were less compatible and not so easily shared.

There are a couple of things about country music. The lyrics are simple and easy to understand, though I don't think there is necessarily any loss of meaning (one can be equally convicted whether it's through a commandment or a parable). The rhythmic meter, chorus/verse structure, and instrumental sounds are all very standard and traditional, so while the music is not very innovative it certainly can be described as comfortable. Also, it seems like it's a smaller genre where there aren't very many hits and the same songs are circulated over and over, alternated with classic hits from the past ten years.

No conclusion to be drawn from any of that. Just- when it's nice enough out to have your windows rolled down and you find some wide open roads- go ahead and try blasting some country and you'll probably feel better.

Penance:

Lessons in missing the point. I've always liked this phrase, though I don't really know what it means or where it came from. I guess the way I interpret it is that there is a lot to learn from being oblivious. Like how people are concerned with the radiation emitted by cell phones while the Sun's radiation does 100 times the damage to our bodies- some things are inescapable so why worry about it? Another train of thought that runs parallel as a lesson- motives without goals. When I can identify a motive without a goal I realize that I've probably missed the point. Example- "I work hard so that I can get a promotion. I get a promotion so that I can get paid more. I get paid more so that I can afford... What do I really need to buy again?" Or- "I spend time with this person so that I can get to know them better. I get to know them better so that we can be closer. I get closer to them so that we can form a relationship... Wait, is this someone who actually makes me happy?". Do you get the picture of this exercise?

Genome:

I stumbled upon this podcast last night:

http://blog.pandora.com/podcast/

Each episode discusses a different aspect of music and picks it apart. The guests provide musical examples for each point so that it is very easy to understand what they are talking about. It's absolutely fascinating to me, and I'd recommend it to anyone who is a music nerd. Maybe start with "Meters and Time Signatures" or "Synthesis".

Resistivity:

Carefree. That is not how I would describe myself. There is much I care about, much I mull over and often I find myself more lost than before. Somehow it doesn't seem like it should be that way.

Triforce:

I need to get into a game. A hardcore video game. I now seem to have a little more time since I work much closer to home. Other people seem more busy than I with other people, so I don't spend my time hanging out. Looks like next on my priority list is video games. And what's wrong with getting lost in a little fantasy? I think I dwell on the pains and stresses of life too much anyway.

The question becomes- what game?

Jam of the moment: Leave Out All the Rest - Linkin Park
And not because it was played during the Twilight credits, but because it is a staple to my current Pandora station project.

Temperance:

I've written about this before. I've been thinking about it recently in a different light. Temperance generally can be interpreted as the control of anger- whether it's how one regulates action when angry or perhaps just being less angry. But what about how that is affected by the tempers of the people around you? If my friend is angry about something and I get angry about it as well, we're likely to feed off of each other probably resulting in the demonizing of that subject. If my friend is angry about something and I don't feel the same way, there's more perspective that will likely balance the situation. Hence then it seems to make sense to surround myself with people who are better tempered than me in certain areas, and help others who are less tempered than I in the other areas. Completely logical. What about people who don't care to be calmed when they are angry? Is temperance really a good thing or is it just repression? And how often is it overlooked or underappreciated as a character trait?

That's all I've got on that. I can't seem to hold onto a single train of thought for more than 5 minutes these days. How sad.

Theater:

I've never really been the theatrical type. As a kid I would get lead roles in the church musicals solely because I was classically trained, hence having a good sense of pitch and the ability to learn tunes quickly. The play director, however, never failed to mention how lacking I was in expression and acting. In high school, I knew my place was not on the stage, but rather in the pit. I realize now how my shortcomings in expressing myself permeate into my daily interactions. Sometimes I may not be as animated as I want to be so the message comes across suppressed. Other times I will just not try at all. I don't think I'm saying I need to join an actors guild to be more showy. I think I just want to say what I need to say. Shut up John Mayer.

Alien:

Titans:

Lately I've been listening to a lot of classical music. I'll turn it on in my room as I'm going to sleep or waking up. When I think about it, the approach and results are so incredibly different from most popular modern music. Usually classical music involves fifty people who have devoted their lives to the discipline of their instrument playing. Most bands today have about five people who are looking to make a sound that has yet to be discovered.

I could probably go on and on about classical pieces, but generally my analysis is pretty abstract and uninteresting. But here's something definite- pieces composed by Mozart are beast. Bach has some awesome concertos, while Beethoven rocks the symphonies. Brahms is the worst and can burn in hell.

Lunch:

I eat out a lot here, which will definitely be something I will miss at my new job. Usually, I rotate between Potbelly's, California Tortilla, The 1819 Deli, Fuddruckers, Quiznos, Subway, Dominos, a couple of Indian places, and this place that has the best BBQ beef brisket that I could possibly imagine. For months, one of my coworkers and I have been trying to find what we call "The Shwarma Cart". There's this online listing of Hilal food in the area and the reviews of this food cart listed his location a few blocks from my office, yet he was never there. This week he finally appeared, but instead right around the corner of our block! The food is awesome, especially his falafel. It's pretty much the best falafel I've ever had. I'd eat it everyday for the remaining time I have here, but I have so many free lunches lined up that I may only be able to go there a few more times. When it comes to food, I think I'm pretty spoiled right now.

Georgia:

Why do I feel the need to speak in code all of the time? I think I am far too focused on that which is minute and missing out often on the big picture.

Switchblade:

Today I intend to turn in my resignation letter to my supervisor here at Pepco. Today also marks my one year anniversary with the company. I was made an offer by BGE earlier this week which I will be accepting today as well. It certainly feels as if I've been here for longer than a year with all of the people I've gotten to known and all the projects I've acquired. When I pulled my boss aside to tell her, she knew the second I closed the door exactly what I had to say. I don't think I gave off any signs of my intentions to change jobs, but I think it was clear that it was a viable and attractive option for me. I think I'm a bit emotional about leaving, but also glad and excited. We'll see what the next couple of months hold for me.

P.S. I'm trying to get an iPhone so that I can access anything that BGE blocks eg. facebook.

Access:

Is it ridiculous that an important factor in my choice of jobs is open access to Facebook?

Skunk:

I've fallen off the blogroll for a little while, mainly because I haven't been able to put together any complete thoughts. Since my last post I've probably started writing two or three times, but just scrapped whatever I had since they were fairly incoherent.

I feel a bit more rested after taking off a weeks worth of vacation from work. This past weekend was a blast mainly because it was nice to have good friends close by, but also because it was action packed after having time to rest up. For a while I have found myself just wishing time away, as if 6 PM Friday couldn't come sooner and the weekend would hold all the self-fulfillment I could ever need. Quite clearly, this kind of attitude is flawed and weak. After a quick vacay and a sweet weekend I think the attitude has mostly dissapated. There are some nice things about not having any expectations, but it also feels good to hope for a good thing to come along every once in a while.

Highlights:

Some morning highlights:

-From home to work it took me exactly, 1 hour and 1 minute which is an all time record for me.
-I yanked a gnarly nose hair which was much longer than I could imagine a nose hair to be.
-I think I may have found some form a solution to my pant leg continuously getting caught underneath the tongue of my shoe when I walk.
-There should be donuts at this meeting I'm about to go to.

Just waiting for the weekend to roll around.

Conservation:

Whenever I've tried to explain Planet Earth to people who haven't seen it, they look at me like I'm crazy. "How could a nature documentary possibly be that interesting or cool?" It just is! If you take the time to watch a few episodes, I guarantee you'll appreciate the world we live in more.

I think watching the DVDs should count as a green iniative for companies where we'd get paid to watch them while at work.

Adults:

Growing up can be such a foreign concept.

Yesterday Usher's new album "Here I Stand" came out. Through reading the inside cover and watching some interviews on 106 and Park last night, I feel like I was able to get some insight into what he is trying to express through his music. The album, to me, seems very mature in that he's thought out his emotions, his actions, his place in life and has come to terms with who he has become. When I first picked up the CD, the label said "Soul" instead of R&B, which is a classification I sort of agree with.

I don't consider myself experienced or fully developed or all-wise. I think that's why I don't accept that I'm an adult or grown up. I wonder when I will reach that point.

Withdrawl:

This morning I was thinking about missing Chapter Camp. I hold many fond memories of those four one-week visits to Champion, and it's interesting that the timing for such nostalgia is not too far off the actual calendar. I guess I have a pretty good internal clock.

A couple of months ago I was aching for a vacation pretty bad. Things were fine at work and I wasn't burnt out, but I just felt like I needed some time off. I then realized that this year was the first year in 17 where I had no spring break. Strange. On one hand, I would think that missing spring break is not a big deal since I never capitalized on that week off to do exciting things or see people. As a matter of fact I think I often had school work that I had to catch up on during that time. On the other hand, if you do something every year for 17 years in a row, it is bound to have some significance in your life.

I think the optimist would say that now there is the opportunity to rework my internal clock and start new traditions. The sloth in me resists such a suggestion. But I suppose I can't rewind, so the only alternative is to push forward.

Burgers:

Last night I had a dream where I and some other people were sitting down at a burger restaurant. At first I think the menu resembled Five Guys' with the single burger size ordering method. Then it seemed to be more like Cheeburger Cheeburger because we were sitting down and I saw guacamole as an available condiment. When the waitress came around to get my order, I discovered that it was neither of those restauarants and I had no idea how to order a burger. At that moment I woke up, leaving me somewhat frustrated but more so confused as to why I would have such a vivid dream about that. Maybe going to a burger place for lunch will bring about some resolution.

Chlorophyll:

Lately I've been finding that I have less energy than usual. My first suspicion was that I was simply doing too much. Going out for dinner or happy hour after work plus a myriad of parties and social events on the weekend can be pretty demanding on the body and psyche. This past week and weekend I did very little (comparitively) in hopes that I would be rejuvenated, yet I don't think I feel any less tired or drained.

My next target might be to try getting more sleep. I average a decent amount, but perhaps I need more. The only way to do so is to go to bed earlier, which is a big sacrifice considering how valuable time at home with the housies is. Already that after-work window is limited and becoming disciplined to cutting it down would be a tough task.

I do believe there are alternative activities that I have yet to try that might work. Supposedly running increases general energy levels, and I definitely could use the cardio. Spending time outside just sitting or working on the garden can be refreshing. Perhaps listening to music while lying on the couch would be good. I'm open to suggestions.

Titanic:

My coworkers are having a conversation regarding Celine Dion in the cube next to me. Sometimes life can be so strange if you stop to think about it.

Emperor:

There were a lot of dark jedi on the metro today, if you get my drift.

On my commute, it's pretty easy to tell apart those who know what they are doing and those who don't travel that way normally. For some reason I find small enjoyment in showing off amidst all the tourist. Like knowing the exact timing between stops. Or completing a hard sudoku while standing and not holding on to any rails or leaning on any walls. Just having a comfortableness that says "I'm pro at this, try to stay out of my way" ... it's strangely gratifying.

Remember:

Items of nostalgia at the moment:
- Kanye West and warm weather driving
- Chick fila rituals
- Tidal basin walks

I want to take a vacation. I think it's about time to start the planning phases.

Alterations:

1. Jacket size taken down to a 36 S (R will do if they don't have it).

2. Pant inseam taken in 1.5 inches, length unhemmed .5 inches.

3. Shirt sleeve taken in 2 inches, shortened 1 inch.

4. Shirt back taken in 1 inch, lower back 1.5 inches.

5. Haircut 10 days prior to event. Hair product choice, pending.

By the third round, I should have this pretty figured out. Guys- don't bring your dates. Ladies, try not to swoon so bad.

Dancing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHj1Gv4HNEg

These guys are definitely going to win. They're the sickest.

Sometimes when I watch enough YouTube of people doing amazing things, I think "oh yeah, I can do that". But then reality kicks in.

Routine:

Whenever someone has recently asked me how things are going, my answer has been "routine". These past few weeks especially, I have done nothing outside of eat, watch TV, sleep, drive, and work during the week. And even going out on the weekends has become routine. While each weekend presents a different fun event, the schedule is still the same and the feelings of excitement ending in extreme fatigue are the same weekend to weekend.

Basically, all I'm saying is that I've been uncreative and unmotivated and I think it would be nice to have dinners in the District again, to take weekend trips, or to plan a spectacular cookout. You know, mix it up a little.

400:

Happy 400th post, blog. Thanks to all the supporters and commenters who have made such a feat possible. What they say is true- there really are some angels in this city.

Ticks:

The manager of my department (two levels up from my position) is a pocket change jingler. I think that speaks volumes about what kind of person he is.

Vegetables:

Yesterday I had the day off from work. I woke up with the energy and determination to make it a productive day with some laundry and actually getting out of the house to run a few errands at the mall. But soon after I hit a road block- trying to get my hair cut. The first place I went was too crowded and the other place I had looked up I couldn't find. Then I figured I could just go home and either cut it myself or walk over to Knockout cuts two blocks away. Instead my momentum fizzled out when I plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV.

I know that I actually need that time to not do anything and relax to offset the time I spend at work and the energy I spend going out to events and such. It just feels like a waste of time, and it sucks having stuff that I failed to get accomplished still hovering over my head throughout the rest of the work week.

Next week I will be changing over to the 4-10 hour work days and will be having Mondays off. I didn't want to fight with my other coworkers over getting Fridays off, and plus nobody's really doing that much work on Fridays anyway so I figured it would be best to skip out on Mondays. I hope that with my added day off I will find the motivation to use that time well.

Rather:

If you were in an arranged marriage situation...
would you rather:

have your mate be a shallow supermodel and spend time developing a deeper personality with them

or

have your mate be an interesting, but physically less attractive person... but have a lot of money for physical modifications?

you know, like if he was just like all the way there but had a little something to remind me of the good old days.

Jumbles:

I haven't taken much time recently to do much thinking. I don't think I've been able to sort out my feelings lately, nor do I think I really want to. It's probably a formula of one part numbness and one part neglection. Of course, the result is some form of self-ignorance or denial. Whenever someone asks me what I'm thinking about these days or how I am doing, I can honestly answer with, "I don't know" and just leave it at that. Soon, I'm sure, I will have some time to sort out and talk about my insides, but until then... it's kind of like having a cluttered and messy room with dirty laundry everywhere and saying "eh, whatever."

Jobbing:

I don't write that much about work on here, which I find strange since I spend so much time at work and also generate all of my posts from work. So here's a tidbit regarding work.

My supervisor is pretty awesome. While she is rather intimidating and runs a lot of people over (if you get in her way, she will destroy you with her massive intellect), if you have a good attitude then she is totally supportive. Yesterday I chaired my first customer meeting for a subdivision project. To me, customer meetings are always a bit surreal. Here I am, a lowly engineer, shaking hands with the VP of an electrical firm or the property owner of this multi-million dollar lot or an architect who's designed all sorts of buildings in DC. The fact that I am supposed to be telling these bigwigs what they need to do is daunting and seems silly.

Before the meeting my supervisor pulls me aside and tells me, "You seem to be too tentative. They are your applicant. They are asking for your help, so take more control. You know this stuff so I want you to be in charge of the situation." And then after the meeting she stops by my cube and says, "That was good in there. Good job." I truly believe that the boss can make or break the deal for any job position.

For a while I've been tinkering with the idea of going to another company. I might be able to get a pay increase (doesn't really matter) and reduce my commute to 10 minutes (would be really sweet). I know they are hiring because they've just picked up a friend of mine who just graduated and also have made offers to two of the engineers from my workplace. The main reason I haven't been hard pressed to apply is because my supervisor doesn't deserve the pains that come with hiring and training a new person and covering all the work until that person is up to speed. If I were to be moved to another section (which is entirely possible with all sorts of people leaving the department), though, I would be looking elsewhere in a heartbeat.

That's my story.

Genesis:

Also, happy New Years all. I'm sorry if I am unable to spend the beginning of 2008 with you; I really wish I could be at a dozen places at once.

(I have fond memories of playing the Sega Genesis on New Years Eve, watching the ball drop, then returning to the game console to play Sonic the Hedgehog or NHL 1990 something.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auld_Lang_Syne
I have no intention of ever trying to remember the words.

Listen:

Is it just me, or do you have a voice in your head too? Sometimes I think I can hear myself debate myself, and my own thoughts are so loud and clear that I feel like I might as well be talking outloud to myself. While I can see the advantages of having a strong sense of self, I don't think this innervoice of mine finds very much resolution in whatever it has to say. For example, I never hear myself think, "oh, it is what it is.. that's cool." Instead it's more like, "...but, what about... and what if...? oh scheisse." I'm probably just going crazy and need to figure out how to let go of things. Some medication would probably help.

Blogs:

With the sudden explosion of blogger's popularity, the purpose of my blog has been brought to question in my mind. I tend not to have very many funny anecdotes to write up in here. Even if I did, I know my story telling skills are subpar so I wouldn't even try. I don't have a lot of deep-though-stuff posted; only on occasion will I spill my mind out onto the web. But looking through the past couple of years, I can see that I have recorded a lot of memories and random thoughts which show to me how I have changed and evolved recently. It's very intriguing to read something and think, "wait, I wrote that?"

Hence, I will continue to post every now and then. And stalk other peoples' blogs vigorously. And post for the sake of trying to draw out comments. Because comments make you feel good. Don't deny it.

Brown:

This morning I dressed in the dark. I try to avoid turning on the lights because the blasting incandescent yellow is not so pleasant at 5 AM. Instead I've been lighting up candles in both my room and while in the shower. Today I was too lazy to light the candle while I dressed and grabbed what I thought were my black pants. What I ended up putting on were dark navy slacks that were of similar material and fit as my black pants. A tragedy indeed, for they didn't quite go with the black shoes and belt or the brown shirt. I've been trying to hide out in my cube as much as possible today. I knew there was a reason I don't typically wear brown and red.

Thanksgiving:

Happy turkey day, all. I hope you had your fill.

Something about this holiday makes me feel old and young at the same time.

Feelings:

I've recently learned that feelings are not something that can be controlled. The choices and actions that are a result of emotional stimulation certainly can, but the internal reaction is often inevitable and inalterable. So I've come to realize that I might as well embrace whatever I feel. Strangely elementary.

Capitalism:

I was walking to Barnes and Nobles yesterday to pick up the new Jay Z album and saw a Starbucks that I didn't know existed. I searched "starbucks near" my work address in Google maps and found about 30 stores within a 1 mile radius, and about 15 of those were under a .5 mile radius. Now that's just outright ridiculous. Excessive.

Pie:

No Ned! Don't do it!!

Lately, my TV schedule has been:
Monday- Chuck
Tuesday- House
Wednesday- Pushing Daisies (top pick)
Thursday- Smallville and The Office
With the occasional Jeorpardy, King of Queens, and Family Guy thrown in at random times.

What can I say? I enjoy the occasional romantically tense situation.

Meetings:

I suck at meeting new people. I find that I have a fairly pessimistic view on the general practice of trying to initiate a bond with a stranger, unless they have been highly recommended by another friend. This evening I went to a construction networking event where we (a few people from my office went) were supposed to meet and chat with contractors and companies from the area. What they ended up doing is after a while of mingling, they split everyone up into groups and began the "Speed Networking" portion of the evening (haha yes, they said they got the idea from speed dating... Anna). So I made small talk for 2 minutes and exchanged business cards with ten people, which wasn't difficult or painful... but was certainly pointless. I learned nothing about their company, what they do really, or who they are as a person. Once we were done with that, I had no desire whatsoever to shake anyone else's hand or pursue further conversation with anyone... I mean, what did I really have to gain from investing my energies into anyone there in the room (exception- coworkers of course)? I find myself leaning more and more towards that anti-new-social school of thought, and just asking myself "what's the point?"

P.S. I really enjoy spending time out of the office with people from work. It was a real treat that my supervisor came out to this event. She's pretty awesome. Beer/Open bar is a plus.

Fuel:

On Friday afternoon I filled up on gas and reset the tripometer. By Sunday evening I had somehow racked up 300 miles, and the entire time I had left Kanye in the CD player. I think that after listening through the album 5 times, I've come to appreciate every song with one exception. Know which that one is? I don't think they play it on the radio.

Lame:

Not having anything planned to do after work makes the day go by so slowly. It makes everything unexciting. How late are the museums open on weekdays?

West:

I bought Kanye's new album the other day and it's alright. I picked it up because I was getting bored of listening to Daft Punk all day at work. I had a brief stint of the soundtrack of Pocahontas, but that got old fast.

Poll:

Diamonds or rubies?

Sociality:

I find it interesting how much I can be defined by not only my social surroundings, but also my general social levels. For instance, I can often gauge how excited I am for an upcoming week based on the post-work activities I have planned out with people. If there is a dry spell then I am easily depressed and bored. This is all simple and intuitive, but to me the magnitude of influence these social variations have on me is surprising. I think I've become hooked and bought into the trendy concepts of 'community' and 'sharing life together' to the point of reliance.
This brings me to my next thought. Some people appear to me as very head-strong and immune to these variations. Though they may partake regularly in 'community', they are not defined by it. For example, if they were to say they wanted to go live on an oil rig for a few years, they would go ahead and follow that desire regardless of the community roots that they have developed. Perhaps it has something to do with the confidence they have in the fact that those friendships will endure. Something about that kind of confidence and the kind of confidence that leads one to follow their desires without regrets is extremely attractive to me. I believe that may be because I am lacking in those confidences and want to leech them off of others. Leech is a terrible word.

Dwelling:

How do you not dwell on things? You know, things you shouldn't/don't want to be constantly worried about, yet are. Some days I wish I was simply all robot.

Currency:

I've established a new rule for this month. Walking around Chinatown, I've found a ton of places I would love to try. All of these places, incidentally (or not), are quite a bit on the expensive side. However, I am currently not incurring any expenses other than transportation and eating out so I can rationalize the occasional good time out. Hence if you can arrange a solid evening date or group date with me during the week, I will treat you out to one of the places of which I crave their food. Deal.