I find it interesting how much I can be defined by not only my social surroundings, but also my general social levels. For instance, I can often gauge how excited I am for an upcoming week based on the post-work activities I have planned out with people. If there is a dry spell then I am easily depressed and bored. This is all simple and intuitive, but to me the magnitude of influence these social variations have on me is surprising. I think I've become hooked and bought into the trendy concepts of 'community' and 'sharing life together' to the point of reliance.
This brings me to my next thought. Some people appear to me as very head-strong and immune to these variations. Though they may partake regularly in 'community', they are not defined by it. For example, if they were to say they wanted to go live on an oil rig for a few years, they would go ahead and follow that desire regardless of the community roots that they have developed. Perhaps it has something to do with the confidence they have in the fact that those friendships will endure. Something about that kind of confidence and the kind of confidence that leads one to follow their desires without regrets is extremely attractive to me. I believe that may be because I am lacking in those confidences and want to leech them off of others. Leech is a terrible word.
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3 comments:
I know what you mean, Bert. For me it can be a lack of confidence in my own relationships as other ones go on without me. It's a worry about missing out on stuff, and maybe getting left behind or something.
I don't think sociality is a word.
I've always had a fairly poor vocabulary... so I just make up words and hope people aren't smart enough to question them.
How does one get to be one of those people who doesn't care about missing out or being left behind?
This is a very honest post, and I understand exactly what you mean. It can be hard to have faith that friendships will endure in spite of space and time. The thing I find myself struggling with most often is trying to maintain a balance. I hate missing out on social things because I fear a weakening of my friendships. but, the downside is sometimes I feel like I am burning myself out by not spending enough time relaxing (after all, it is exhausting enough in itself maintaining a full time job). Sometimes, I am defintiely trying to do too much at once.
It's nice to have plans because it gives us something to look forward to, but I have also found that its great to take some nights to yourself--I feel like I am happier in general, and probably better for the community surrounding me.
As for the question "how does one get to be one of those people who doesn't care about missing out or being left behind?" -- I don't know. I don't think most people have an absence of caring, but perhaps it is just learning to prioritize values. Sometimes, hanging out with friends can and should take precedence over other things, and sometimes we need moments to ourselves, or we need to do other things. But you are definitely NOT alone in caring--I hate missing out and being left behind.
I hope you are doing well though, Bert. It was nice to see you at the housewarming party the other night even though we didnt talk much.
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