Danger:

The dangers of being an engineering student. The best part is that it all happened around 3 am Saturday morning.

Limb:

Taking that risk, climbing out on the tree limb.


I'm very much looking forward to the Cherry Blossom Festival. I like DC and walking around the capital area on a nice spring day. The cold is starting to get pretty old, especially since all the fun things to do in the cold have already passed- play in the snow, have a bonfire, go skiing, freeze to death... haha not kidding. It's time for the warm, sun bathing days... those conducive to frolicking and cookouts. Cookouts! I wanna have one ASAP.

So speaking of 'days to come', Habakkuk was a neat study to do at retreat. As with most OT minor prophets, some of the ideas and ongoings were hard to swallow. But in the end, God's sovereignty always prevails. Like Habakkuk, I still am unsure about how the injustices going on and the questions I have about my future will be resolved. I found myself looking at my wrist a lot and relating application questions back to NO. Even though, I want to be in that posture of rejoicing in the present... not regretting the past or dreaming about the future. It's fun to do either and throw myself a pity party or hurt myself by rooting myself in my own expectations. Instead, I want trust.

But anyway, cookout? Right now I'm dreaming of grilled shrimp skewers. If we have anything, it'll probably end up being burgers and hotdogs. What else would be tasty and relatively easy? Too bad it's not crabfest season, otherwise there'd be one here tomorrow.

Huh-er:

Now that was an adventure!

Things I learned about myself tonight, through "meditative skiing"-

First, skiing is far from meditative... at least for me. It was so intense.

There are not too many memories that I can recall where I have been genuinely terrified. Tonight puts another notch on that arrow. Usually I'm not really scared of heights or falling, but tumbling or running into something just made me not want to challenge myself on the slopes.

In any system, I am automatically awkward. Example, when I was getting onto the ski lift I started to move forward to catch the next seat, but the operator told me to wait. At that point it was too late and I stopped at the worst possible moment. Basically, I was destroyed by the ski lift. Maybe I just have no common sense. Maybe I have no confidence in myself, so I trust too much on guidance from the system administrators. Whatever it is, there's a high probability of me embarassing myself in a public place where I'm unfamiliar with what's going on.

In the end, I love adventure. It can be scary, very dangerous, and embarassing. So what? I find myself mostly unhurt right now, and I've gained a few good stories and some memories of good company. I like doing things.

Lastly, Jayme is absolutely psycho. In that good, hilarious sort of way. I'm too tired right now, so you'll have to ask about the full story. Good night.

Huh:

A very *sigh*-ish type of day. I should be sleeping.

Curling:

Curling!

Memories:

I went back in time. I'm so glad blogging exists. I was looking at some online journaling (not in blogger) I did two years ago around this time, and I'm shocked. It seems like back in my freshman year I was doing so much with people and learning so much... even investing directly into peoples' lives and changing the world around me. And it sounds like I did more in a day back then than I now do in a weeks time. I guess I'll post what I wrote back then. Note, the writing style is very different. I guess I was much more animated in my writing.

"This blog is brought to you by the following sponsors: Mozzarella sticks, made fresh and greasy at your local diner. What a day! I blog now (even though the night is young and the day is not over yet) because I'm excited about a lot of things that happened today. Let's start from the very beginning, the very first place to start (Sound of Music reference). I thought today was going to be really sucky. I misread my clock and got out of bed an hour early, which had me pretty ticked. Then I went to math discussion and got my first exam back. I was seriously expecting a depressing grade, but instead I got 1 of 5 A's in two sections. Amazing! Then in engineering, I was able to complete the crossword, get this, all by myself! Amazing again! Physics discussion was more of a 'huh'. There was a fire in the physics building so they had us evacuate, so we spent the entire class watching firemen run in and out of the building. No class is good, but no class the day before the exam is not so good. It's only physics, though. After that, I was apparently able to get my lazy butt down to the CSPAC library to do some research for my music paper. I know, amazing! Unfortunately, I was only able to withstand one hour of research before I got fed up, so I probably will have to make an additional trip sometime before the paper is due. So then, a one hour nap which was very nice, a luxery I wish I indulged in more often. And to top the day of...
IV tonight... I can't put it into words, except I will. The Walt, Mr. Quick himself, gave a testimony/talk during Intermission. Last night he mentioned it, and I knew it would be awesome... but whoa. He talked about the cross and our worth and joy and humility and so much more. I'm still trying to digest it. I think I'll have to put in a reservation for some Walt-time as well to try to verbalize my response. This calls for a long shower so I can extensively contemplate some things. To summarize it up, I would say his testimony was just answered prayers.
And, I had better get to that showering and studying business before it gets too late. Oh yeah, cool convo with Maggie on the way back. Good catching up, and definitely some relationship building. Doh, that brings up another topic.
Let's blog hardcore then. This past Sunday, as I mentioned, I had the chance to talk with Allan. Somehow our conversation led to dating and relationships with girls. I was able to explain my position. I don't think I should push for a dating relationship because it should be done according to God's will. His timeline supercedes my timeline. Though it is something I want, I am obviously not ready for it. I sort of said all this without knowing why. I mean, it sounds good and churchy, right? And then Allan asked me, "What if your girlfriend cheats on you though?" Sort of a random question. But then I realized (and I explained to him) that if God can create the heavens and the earth, and if He knows all things and controls all things, what is one little relationship between a guy and a gal? If it is in His will, wouldn't that be an awesome relationship? I can only imagine. Anyway.
More to the point of the paragraph above the previous, relationships. This is kind of summing up last semester, and a whole lot of talking that Zach and I have done in the past. Walt gave us the challenge (informal, but still there) to view women as sisters, rather than prospects. To get that sisterly relationship requires communication. I want to be able to share similar things that I talk about with the brothers also with the sisters. Makes sense? I don't know what it is, but I've been unable to establish this link with a lot of the girls. Okay, I'm realizing that I don't have this part thought out too well at the moment, so I'll try to come back to it later. (PS- for those of you out there in cyberspace who think I am a n00b luzer, you're welcome to your own opinion... I am who I am). It's shower time."

Yeah, it's quite long so if you just skimmed over it I don't blame you. I remember some of those conversations quite clearly and I can sort of hash out some of the unmentioned thoughts I was having in my head.
These days, I certainly may not accomplish as much, but I definitely have matured. Some of the struggles that I faced back then have been resolved, while others have evolved (in a debatably good and bad way). If I were to go back in time and give a few words of advice to my freshman self, I would say, "Don't worry, you're in for a wild adventure." Because it has been. So many things have happened that I would have never forseen, and I have personally changed to be someone my younger self would not recognize. But it hasn't ended... even these days I crave an adventurous lifestyle where I'm living life alive. I guess I just got to keep in mind that I am who I am. I am who I was created to be.

Cares:

Thanks PtSSB.

I cast all my cares upon You
I lay all of my burdens down at Your feet
And anytime I don't know what to do
I will cast all my cares upon You

a little something to sing along with.

Times:

It's not quite there.

Rolling:

"She stole it
Painted it beautiful
And didn't even know"

I just spent the past fifteen minutes trying to think of the "huh" of the day. I guess I don't have one. You can't force these sort of things. Lows: definitely being totally absent minded and completely forgetting about Juke Joint tonight. And on the same note, also finding out yesterday that GHH had already passed. Dang it. If I were filling out an eHarmony profile right now, I'd knock my organization and planning capabilities way down. High: probably the nice weather.

Tomorrow holds a chill morning, classes, some time in the chapel, interview with Julie, and then possibly going out for Kristal's birthday. It should be a good one.

Pockets:

What a beautiful day today. The only downer was that the chapel was locked up. Watched a lot of Olympic Curling and caught a few wipeouts in skiing and skating. I love pockets. You can put all sorts of things in them.

Erased:

It doesn't take much to de-exist. As a matter of fact, it takes about 20 minutes. Move my bed under the staircase, move my closet into Jeff's, shift around some items, insert a couch from the living room and viola! My room is not a living space. I dare the fire inspector to try and put my life back together.

These sort of things (and by that I mean doing some kind of inventory) get me thinking. I really don't have a lot of stuff. I do pride myself in that... and that's why I was the best nominee for the erasure. Stuff... in the end it just means so little. What if I had to live off of the land? I mean, if I had no home and no possessions, would I be provided for? I think God has answered me with a resounding yes. And I am so thankful. BBB. But there's much much more work to be done on my heart and mind in terms of trusting Him.

Passion does not come without sacrifice. Sacrifice does not come without love.

Valentines:

Happy Singles Awareness Day!

No, I'm not bitter... just nostalgic. Things used to be simple on Valentines Day. All I had to do was go to CVS or some other store in the mall with my mom to buy a big packet of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Valentines for my class and copy names from the class list onto the cards. Then there was just throwing them in envelopes, writing the person's name on the outside again, and finally making sure to wear a red shirt. Everybody got the same amount of love from everybody else (except for the teacher, who got the serious, big 'teacher cards' that also come in the pack). But nowadays, saying the right or wrong thing at the right or wrong time could mean anything to somebody. Relationships seem much more complicated.

I've come to the realization, though, that I don't really care. Not to be apathetic or anything, but right thing to do is to be true to myself. Whoa, cliche. 'Just listen to your heart. That's what I do.' Thanks Napoleon. If I am not honest with myself, how can I be honest with God? Or my friends? Or the random stranger who strikes up a conversation? It's a simple lesson that bares a strong challenge. So on this Valentines Day:
May my words hold only truth
May I care for those I love
May I love with no cares

Happy Valentines Day! And in the wise words of my mom, "Don't forget to give your teacher a hug."

MIA:

Missing!

3 inch red Swiss Army Knife.
Not seen in the past 24 hours.
Please come home knife.
I feel useless without you.

Match:

Here's what eHarmony has to say (the whole analysis). If you know this person, send her my way. Skip down for the summary if you don't feel like reading any of this.

Kindness: Your ideal mate is the kind of person who wants to be there for you when you need her. She will try to be thoughtful to you, even if she doesn't always know exactly what you want. She'll be respectful and generally won't demand more from you than you are willing to give. Communication: Your ideal companion is a woman who is willing to talk about herself, but doesn't feel the need to do so constantly. When she meets new people, she connects easily and can talk at length. At other times, she might run out of things to say if the dialogue isn't flowing. She thinks it's important for people to talk openly and honestly with each other but might need occasional prodding to open up.
Character: Your ideal mate isn't going to let other people's misfortunes get her down. Yes, homeless people need help and charities do lots of good work, but that's not necessarily anything that concerns her. She takes care of herself and won't feel the need to try and solve all your problems. Your relationship will be based more on mutual respect than a need for emotional support.
Autonomy: You will be best matched with someone who wants to know all of the important things about your past. She'll be equally interested in living in the present and planning a future. She won't need to know every detail about your life or every thought that crosses your mind. She's the kind of person who sees herself as part of a couple but still maintains her independence and identity.
Vitality and Security: You will be most compatible with a woman is comfortable with a future that's somewhat undefined. She's self-reliant and isn't looking for emotional support. Friends see her as someone who isn't looking to be rescued; she can take care of herself. She generally focuses on short-term goals rather than things that are years down the road.
Conflict Resolution: You'll be happiest with a woman who tries to avoid conflict altogether. When she does have a disagreement, she tries to keep the peace instead of adding fuel to the fire. Resolving the argument is generally more important to her than being right, but she will stand up for herself.
Adaptability: Your ideal mate is generally good at dealing with change, whether it's a new position at work or a family crisis. When faced with a challenge, she generally tries to find the happy medium. She stands firm on things that are important to her but can be flexible when necessary.
Humor: Your ideal mate is the kind of woman who is funny and interesting. Sometimes, she likes telling jokes, making people laugh with things like one-liners or satirical observations about friends and family. But she doesn't need to be a constant one-woman show.
Emotional Energy: You'll be happiest with someone who understands that you sometimes need down-time to recharge. She likes being a spectator, whether it's watching sports or just people-watching at an airport. She's not the kind of person who always has a list of things she wants to accomplish in a day.
Romantic Passion: Your ideal mate is a woman who likes to focus on the things of substance in a relationship, not on mushy feelings. She wants to spend time with her partner, but that could just as easily mean taking a hike as fixing a romantic dinner. She might think things like Valentine's Day are somewhat contrived romantic situations, which is probably a relief to someone like you.
Dominance: You are best suited to someone who doesn't view life as a competition. She enjoys a game for the sake of playing, rather than needing a victory. Her friends describe her as pretty laid-back and say she rarely if ever gets competitive about her private life or work.
Sociability: You'll be happiest with a woman who likes to spend time with old friends and make new ones. She might not always be the first to strike up a conversation with a stranger, but she is rarely tongue-tied once the conversation is underway. At parties, she's the type of person who isn't afraid to venture outside her group of friends.
Intellect: Your ideal mate is quick-witted without being over-intellectual or boring. She likes to think of herself as comfortably in the middle between people who think too much and others don't think at all. She will appreciate your intelligence, but she isn't an intellectual snob.
Artistic Passion: You are best suited to the kind of woman who sometimes likes to express herself creatively. She has an artistic streak, but she probably doesn't think of herself as a die-hard artiste.
Curiosity: You will be well matched with a woman who doesn't need to ferret out information that has no bearing on her day-to-day life. In the long run, you will find it difficult to be with someone who places enormous value on random bits of knowledge gathered just for the sake of knowing more than everyone else. She would generally rather be doing than learning about something.
Sexual Passion: You'll be most fulfilled by the kind of woman who believes sex is an important part of a great relationship - but not the only part. She is looking for physical chemistry with a man, the kind of spark that comes from genuine romantic attraction. However, she also appreciates that there is more to a "real relationship" than sex.
Appearance: You are most compatible with a woman who wants to look good but doesn't obsess over it. She will appreciate the time and effort you put into your appearance and be happy with the end result. Ultimately, however, she is more concerned with who you are than what you look like.
Physical Energy: You are best suited to someone who likes to stay active but also enjoys spending quiet time at home. She makes staying healthy and exercising a normal part of her life, but she also enjoys kicking back and relaxing when the time is right.
Education: Your ideal mate is accomplished academically, but she doesn't brag about it. During her school years, she was the type of person who balanced studying with things like extracurricular activities or spending time with friends. She wants a partner who's her intellectual equal, but she can also appreciate other things about him.
Industry: You are best suited to someone who appreciates rest and relaxation. She doesn't measure her self-worth by how much she can accomplish each day. She's comfortable with who she is and what she has.
Ambition: You will be happiest with a woman who isn't obsessed with things like career advancement, money and power. She is content with her current status in life. She cares about her performance professionally and wants to be popular socially, but she isn't comparing herself to everyone around her.
Organization: Your ideal mate is the type of person who keeps her home neat and clean, without being obsessive about it. She likes to be structured at home, and make sure everything has its place. But she won't look down on you if you kick off your shoes and don't straighten them at the door. She's good at creating a home that's comfortable and welcoming, the perfect place to relax.
Self Concept: Your ideal match is someone who is self-assured and agreeable. She believes in herself, so she is willing to take the occasional risk. She wants to fit in but doesn't feel the need to change in order to do so. Her friends most likely describe her as someone who's secure.
Mood Management: You are most compatible with someone who avoids taking bad moods out on others. She knows that everyone has their moody days, so she won't overreact when you're irritable. When she's in a foul mood, she'll usually make sure she doesn't take it out on others.
Emotional Status: You are best suited to a woman who is generally happy and hopeful for the future. There are things in her life she'd like to improve, but she generally has faith that she'll attain her goals. She's not the type of person to overreact when she has a problem. Friends see her as someone who tries to focus on the positive.
Obstreperousness: Your ideal mate generally follows the adage: If you can't say something nice, it's better not to say anything at all. She may have strong beliefs, but she usually avoids stating them strongly if it would offend others. She is rarely argumentative.
Anger Management: You will be happiest with a woman who controls her temper. Generally speaking, she has a long fuse. When she does get mad, she doesn't take it out on others or blame them for her frustration.
Traditionalism: You'll be happiest with a woman who is conservative morally. Her beliefs influence most aspects of her life. She generally believes people should strive to do what's right in every situation. She wants to find a man who shares her values and beliefs about things like religion, country and family.
Spirituality: Your ideal mate's spiritual beliefs are the foundation of her character. She sets aside time for things like reading the scriptures, praying or seeking a higher guidance for her life. She wants to find a man who shares her beliefs.
Family Goals: Your ideal mate shares you desires to start a new family and experience the joys of parenthood. She loves kids and expects that they will play a central role in her life. Altruism: Your ideal mate is someone who cares about the needy. She believes society is dependent on everyone to solve problems, so she turns her convictions into action. Perhaps she volunteers at the local soup kitchen or organizes a recycling or clothing drive. She's known for her willingness to do whatever she can to assist others.
Family Background: Your ideal mate will probably understand if your relationship with your family is distant, uninvolved or filled with conflict. Her own family relationships are sometimes marked by tension, miscommunication or anger, but she has learned to adapt.

She has a strong intellect.
She likes to keep abreast of what's happening in the world.
She is very interested in knowing and learning about certain things.S
She likes to keep a healthy balance between "using her head" and "using her heart."
She enjoys telling or laughing at jokes sometimes.
She sometimes enjoys sharing a great joke or humorous movie with friends.
She generally feels that she has a lot to offer the right person.
She generally takes the time to stay in touch and maintain friendships.
It will be important that she incorporate faith and spirituality into her relationship.
It is very important to her to be part of a religious community.
She has some strong, traditional views.
Being passive or failing to do her part is unacceptable to her.

I'm almost certain that some part of this profile has changed. There are some distinct characteristics that I remember reading on the summary page that are not there anymore. Anyways, it's not too far off. There are parts that I really don't agree with at all. But hey, it's a free personality report.

Nocturnal:

This is the second night/morning in a row that I've stayed up way too late to watch a movie. Narnia was pretty fun since the freshmen kept laughing at every single quirk in the movie. I cracked up when the dwarf servant got shot... I didn't catch the amazingness of those two seconds the first time watching. Then tonight there was the chick flick and baseball fan hybrid movie- Fever Pitch. Pretty cheesy as expected. I took issue with the fact that they don't really solve anything by the end of the movie, but seem to just end up right where they started. But parts of the movie, in combination with talking to Anne last night, make me kind of want to be a teacher. Kids are cool people.

I probably need to go to sleep. And also not be so lazy during the day. And stop being such a downer. Poor Terps. We'll get 'em next year.

Nothing:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Did you know that love is beautiful? It's attractive. It is passionate.

Befuddled:

DYGI? IASWFY.

Lazy:

What a lazy Saturday. I woke up at 12:30 and did absolutely nothing until 8...

The people at the skate rentals booth gave out prizes! You had to give them your shoes to get a pair of skates, so they put maybe three or four prize packs in random pairs of shoes. Guess what was in it? A Testudo tattoo! Oh... and also four tickets to the Maryland Women's Basketball game today at noon. It's sort of sad. I feel really bad for the Women's team since they're actually good and get no attention or support. But let's face it... those tickets aren't worth anything to me or to anybody I can think of.

Testudo on ice! It should be a show or production that the school puts on. But yeah, Testudo was at the ice rink tonight hanging out with us. He rode on the zamboni and threw t-shirts at the crowd. Victor and I wondered if he had specialized padding on his feet to keep him from slipping as he walked around on the ice. Then we realized that it's pretty sad that Testudo, or rather the person who was in the suit, was at Herbert Wells Ice Ring on a Saturday night. I hope he was getting paid.

View:

Life really isn't that blurry. If you/I just focus on the big picture, it's pretty easy to understand the image.

I wish I could read peoples' minds. Things would probably be so much more simple.

Cold:

Don't you shiver?

Morning:

Oh snap!!

On the ride in this morning Jeff and I witnessed a guy on his bike totally wipe out. Actually, it's more like he got hit by a car. He was writhing on the ground for a bit, then got up, shook it off, locked up his bike, shook the driver's hand, and walked away. For a second there I was freaked out, but it looked like he didn't break anything. This is the second time I've seen this happen. I don't think I'll be riding my bike into school anytime soon.