Adults:

Growing up can be such a foreign concept.

Yesterday Usher's new album "Here I Stand" came out. Through reading the inside cover and watching some interviews on 106 and Park last night, I feel like I was able to get some insight into what he is trying to express through his music. The album, to me, seems very mature in that he's thought out his emotions, his actions, his place in life and has come to terms with who he has become. When I first picked up the CD, the label said "Soul" instead of R&B, which is a classification I sort of agree with.

I don't consider myself experienced or fully developed or all-wise. I think that's why I don't accept that I'm an adult or grown up. I wonder when I will reach that point.

Withdrawl:

This morning I was thinking about missing Chapter Camp. I hold many fond memories of those four one-week visits to Champion, and it's interesting that the timing for such nostalgia is not too far off the actual calendar. I guess I have a pretty good internal clock.

A couple of months ago I was aching for a vacation pretty bad. Things were fine at work and I wasn't burnt out, but I just felt like I needed some time off. I then realized that this year was the first year in 17 where I had no spring break. Strange. On one hand, I would think that missing spring break is not a big deal since I never capitalized on that week off to do exciting things or see people. As a matter of fact I think I often had school work that I had to catch up on during that time. On the other hand, if you do something every year for 17 years in a row, it is bound to have some significance in your life.

I think the optimist would say that now there is the opportunity to rework my internal clock and start new traditions. The sloth in me resists such a suggestion. But I suppose I can't rewind, so the only alternative is to push forward.

Burgers:

Last night I had a dream where I and some other people were sitting down at a burger restaurant. At first I think the menu resembled Five Guys' with the single burger size ordering method. Then it seemed to be more like Cheeburger Cheeburger because we were sitting down and I saw guacamole as an available condiment. When the waitress came around to get my order, I discovered that it was neither of those restauarants and I had no idea how to order a burger. At that moment I woke up, leaving me somewhat frustrated but more so confused as to why I would have such a vivid dream about that. Maybe going to a burger place for lunch will bring about some resolution.

Chlorophyll:

Lately I've been finding that I have less energy than usual. My first suspicion was that I was simply doing too much. Going out for dinner or happy hour after work plus a myriad of parties and social events on the weekend can be pretty demanding on the body and psyche. This past week and weekend I did very little (comparitively) in hopes that I would be rejuvenated, yet I don't think I feel any less tired or drained.

My next target might be to try getting more sleep. I average a decent amount, but perhaps I need more. The only way to do so is to go to bed earlier, which is a big sacrifice considering how valuable time at home with the housies is. Already that after-work window is limited and becoming disciplined to cutting it down would be a tough task.

I do believe there are alternative activities that I have yet to try that might work. Supposedly running increases general energy levels, and I definitely could use the cardio. Spending time outside just sitting or working on the garden can be refreshing. Perhaps listening to music while lying on the couch would be good. I'm open to suggestions.

Titanic:

My coworkers are having a conversation regarding Celine Dion in the cube next to me. Sometimes life can be so strange if you stop to think about it.

Emperor:

There were a lot of dark jedi on the metro today, if you get my drift.

On my commute, it's pretty easy to tell apart those who know what they are doing and those who don't travel that way normally. For some reason I find small enjoyment in showing off amidst all the tourist. Like knowing the exact timing between stops. Or completing a hard sudoku while standing and not holding on to any rails or leaning on any walls. Just having a comfortableness that says "I'm pro at this, try to stay out of my way" ... it's strangely gratifying.

Remember:

Items of nostalgia at the moment:
- Kanye West and warm weather driving
- Chick fila rituals
- Tidal basin walks

I want to take a vacation. I think it's about time to start the planning phases.

Alterations:

1. Jacket size taken down to a 36 S (R will do if they don't have it).

2. Pant inseam taken in 1.5 inches, length unhemmed .5 inches.

3. Shirt sleeve taken in 2 inches, shortened 1 inch.

4. Shirt back taken in 1 inch, lower back 1.5 inches.

5. Haircut 10 days prior to event. Hair product choice, pending.

By the third round, I should have this pretty figured out. Guys- don't bring your dates. Ladies, try not to swoon so bad.

Dancing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHj1Gv4HNEg

These guys are definitely going to win. They're the sickest.

Sometimes when I watch enough YouTube of people doing amazing things, I think "oh yeah, I can do that". But then reality kicks in.

Routine:

Whenever someone has recently asked me how things are going, my answer has been "routine". These past few weeks especially, I have done nothing outside of eat, watch TV, sleep, drive, and work during the week. And even going out on the weekends has become routine. While each weekend presents a different fun event, the schedule is still the same and the feelings of excitement ending in extreme fatigue are the same weekend to weekend.

Basically, all I'm saying is that I've been uncreative and unmotivated and I think it would be nice to have dinners in the District again, to take weekend trips, or to plan a spectacular cookout. You know, mix it up a little.

400:

Happy 400th post, blog. Thanks to all the supporters and commenters who have made such a feat possible. What they say is true- there really are some angels in this city.

Ticks:

The manager of my department (two levels up from my position) is a pocket change jingler. I think that speaks volumes about what kind of person he is.

Vegetables:

Yesterday I had the day off from work. I woke up with the energy and determination to make it a productive day with some laundry and actually getting out of the house to run a few errands at the mall. But soon after I hit a road block- trying to get my hair cut. The first place I went was too crowded and the other place I had looked up I couldn't find. Then I figured I could just go home and either cut it myself or walk over to Knockout cuts two blocks away. Instead my momentum fizzled out when I plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV.

I know that I actually need that time to not do anything and relax to offset the time I spend at work and the energy I spend going out to events and such. It just feels like a waste of time, and it sucks having stuff that I failed to get accomplished still hovering over my head throughout the rest of the work week.

Next week I will be changing over to the 4-10 hour work days and will be having Mondays off. I didn't want to fight with my other coworkers over getting Fridays off, and plus nobody's really doing that much work on Fridays anyway so I figured it would be best to skip out on Mondays. I hope that with my added day off I will find the motivation to use that time well.

Rather:

If you were in an arranged marriage situation...
would you rather:

have your mate be a shallow supermodel and spend time developing a deeper personality with them

or

have your mate be an interesting, but physically less attractive person... but have a lot of money for physical modifications?

you know, like if he was just like all the way there but had a little something to remind me of the good old days.

Jumbles:

I haven't taken much time recently to do much thinking. I don't think I've been able to sort out my feelings lately, nor do I think I really want to. It's probably a formula of one part numbness and one part neglection. Of course, the result is some form of self-ignorance or denial. Whenever someone asks me what I'm thinking about these days or how I am doing, I can honestly answer with, "I don't know" and just leave it at that. Soon, I'm sure, I will have some time to sort out and talk about my insides, but until then... it's kind of like having a cluttered and messy room with dirty laundry everywhere and saying "eh, whatever."

Jobbing:

I don't write that much about work on here, which I find strange since I spend so much time at work and also generate all of my posts from work. So here's a tidbit regarding work.

My supervisor is pretty awesome. While she is rather intimidating and runs a lot of people over (if you get in her way, she will destroy you with her massive intellect), if you have a good attitude then she is totally supportive. Yesterday I chaired my first customer meeting for a subdivision project. To me, customer meetings are always a bit surreal. Here I am, a lowly engineer, shaking hands with the VP of an electrical firm or the property owner of this multi-million dollar lot or an architect who's designed all sorts of buildings in DC. The fact that I am supposed to be telling these bigwigs what they need to do is daunting and seems silly.

Before the meeting my supervisor pulls me aside and tells me, "You seem to be too tentative. They are your applicant. They are asking for your help, so take more control. You know this stuff so I want you to be in charge of the situation." And then after the meeting she stops by my cube and says, "That was good in there. Good job." I truly believe that the boss can make or break the deal for any job position.

For a while I've been tinkering with the idea of going to another company. I might be able to get a pay increase (doesn't really matter) and reduce my commute to 10 minutes (would be really sweet). I know they are hiring because they've just picked up a friend of mine who just graduated and also have made offers to two of the engineers from my workplace. The main reason I haven't been hard pressed to apply is because my supervisor doesn't deserve the pains that come with hiring and training a new person and covering all the work until that person is up to speed. If I were to be moved to another section (which is entirely possible with all sorts of people leaving the department), though, I would be looking elsewhere in a heartbeat.

That's my story.

Genesis:

Also, happy New Years all. I'm sorry if I am unable to spend the beginning of 2008 with you; I really wish I could be at a dozen places at once.

(I have fond memories of playing the Sega Genesis on New Years Eve, watching the ball drop, then returning to the game console to play Sonic the Hedgehog or NHL 1990 something.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auld_Lang_Syne
I have no intention of ever trying to remember the words.

Listen:

Is it just me, or do you have a voice in your head too? Sometimes I think I can hear myself debate myself, and my own thoughts are so loud and clear that I feel like I might as well be talking outloud to myself. While I can see the advantages of having a strong sense of self, I don't think this innervoice of mine finds very much resolution in whatever it has to say. For example, I never hear myself think, "oh, it is what it is.. that's cool." Instead it's more like, "...but, what about... and what if...? oh scheisse." I'm probably just going crazy and need to figure out how to let go of things. Some medication would probably help.

Blogs:

With the sudden explosion of blogger's popularity, the purpose of my blog has been brought to question in my mind. I tend not to have very many funny anecdotes to write up in here. Even if I did, I know my story telling skills are subpar so I wouldn't even try. I don't have a lot of deep-though-stuff posted; only on occasion will I spill my mind out onto the web. But looking through the past couple of years, I can see that I have recorded a lot of memories and random thoughts which show to me how I have changed and evolved recently. It's very intriguing to read something and think, "wait, I wrote that?"

Hence, I will continue to post every now and then. And stalk other peoples' blogs vigorously. And post for the sake of trying to draw out comments. Because comments make you feel good. Don't deny it.

Brown:

This morning I dressed in the dark. I try to avoid turning on the lights because the blasting incandescent yellow is not so pleasant at 5 AM. Instead I've been lighting up candles in both my room and while in the shower. Today I was too lazy to light the candle while I dressed and grabbed what I thought were my black pants. What I ended up putting on were dark navy slacks that were of similar material and fit as my black pants. A tragedy indeed, for they didn't quite go with the black shoes and belt or the brown shirt. I've been trying to hide out in my cube as much as possible today. I knew there was a reason I don't typically wear brown and red.