Motives:

In high school literature classes, my teachers always emphasized the 'why'. They said to focus on why the author chose to write in certain rhythms or why the use of illustrative language or why the theme on liminality. I remember sometime this one teacher would just write in red pen 'why?' at the end of my papers.

I wonder why I do certain things. What are my motives? Before I can evaluate whether my motives are right and pure, I have to figure out what they are. Sometimes I feel like I have such built up, complex networks of emotion and doubts that I can't truly identify the reason behind my actions. Say something as simple as a laugh or giggle at something amusing makes me wonder why I thought it was so funny, or why I reacted with more animation instead of just smiling. Or for example why I would do someone a favor. Am I expecting something in return? Isn't it human and natural to expect something in return whether it is physical, spiritual, or emotional? Should I feel guilty if I want something back? Why am I helping or giving? I don't know. There are simple answers that make a lot of sense. You know, because I care, because I'm supposed to, because it is what Jesus desires of me, because it is good. There are also many simple answers that don't sound as good... because I want them to like me, because it gets me attention, because in the end I'll come out on top.
I've seem to stumble upon the fact that the question of why brings up so many 'because's and hence, makes the whole motives thing so complex. The added dimension of sorting these 'because's creates another layer of complexity. I hope to figure this motives thing out a little more in my head, and work hard to straigten out why I act as I do.