Jumbles:

I haven't taken much time recently to do much thinking. I don't think I've been able to sort out my feelings lately, nor do I think I really want to. It's probably a formula of one part numbness and one part neglection. Of course, the result is some form of self-ignorance or denial. Whenever someone asks me what I'm thinking about these days or how I am doing, I can honestly answer with, "I don't know" and just leave it at that. Soon, I'm sure, I will have some time to sort out and talk about my insides, but until then... it's kind of like having a cluttered and messy room with dirty laundry everywhere and saying "eh, whatever."

Jobbing:

I don't write that much about work on here, which I find strange since I spend so much time at work and also generate all of my posts from work. So here's a tidbit regarding work.

My supervisor is pretty awesome. While she is rather intimidating and runs a lot of people over (if you get in her way, she will destroy you with her massive intellect), if you have a good attitude then she is totally supportive. Yesterday I chaired my first customer meeting for a subdivision project. To me, customer meetings are always a bit surreal. Here I am, a lowly engineer, shaking hands with the VP of an electrical firm or the property owner of this multi-million dollar lot or an architect who's designed all sorts of buildings in DC. The fact that I am supposed to be telling these bigwigs what they need to do is daunting and seems silly.

Before the meeting my supervisor pulls me aside and tells me, "You seem to be too tentative. They are your applicant. They are asking for your help, so take more control. You know this stuff so I want you to be in charge of the situation." And then after the meeting she stops by my cube and says, "That was good in there. Good job." I truly believe that the boss can make or break the deal for any job position.

For a while I've been tinkering with the idea of going to another company. I might be able to get a pay increase (doesn't really matter) and reduce my commute to 10 minutes (would be really sweet). I know they are hiring because they've just picked up a friend of mine who just graduated and also have made offers to two of the engineers from my workplace. The main reason I haven't been hard pressed to apply is because my supervisor doesn't deserve the pains that come with hiring and training a new person and covering all the work until that person is up to speed. If I were to be moved to another section (which is entirely possible with all sorts of people leaving the department), though, I would be looking elsewhere in a heartbeat.

That's my story.

Genesis:

Also, happy New Years all. I'm sorry if I am unable to spend the beginning of 2008 with you; I really wish I could be at a dozen places at once.

(I have fond memories of playing the Sega Genesis on New Years Eve, watching the ball drop, then returning to the game console to play Sonic the Hedgehog or NHL 1990 something.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auld_Lang_Syne
I have no intention of ever trying to remember the words.

Listen:

Is it just me, or do you have a voice in your head too? Sometimes I think I can hear myself debate myself, and my own thoughts are so loud and clear that I feel like I might as well be talking outloud to myself. While I can see the advantages of having a strong sense of self, I don't think this innervoice of mine finds very much resolution in whatever it has to say. For example, I never hear myself think, "oh, it is what it is.. that's cool." Instead it's more like, "...but, what about... and what if...? oh scheisse." I'm probably just going crazy and need to figure out how to let go of things. Some medication would probably help.

Blogs:

With the sudden explosion of blogger's popularity, the purpose of my blog has been brought to question in my mind. I tend not to have very many funny anecdotes to write up in here. Even if I did, I know my story telling skills are subpar so I wouldn't even try. I don't have a lot of deep-though-stuff posted; only on occasion will I spill my mind out onto the web. But looking through the past couple of years, I can see that I have recorded a lot of memories and random thoughts which show to me how I have changed and evolved recently. It's very intriguing to read something and think, "wait, I wrote that?"

Hence, I will continue to post every now and then. And stalk other peoples' blogs vigorously. And post for the sake of trying to draw out comments. Because comments make you feel good. Don't deny it.

Brown:

This morning I dressed in the dark. I try to avoid turning on the lights because the blasting incandescent yellow is not so pleasant at 5 AM. Instead I've been lighting up candles in both my room and while in the shower. Today I was too lazy to light the candle while I dressed and grabbed what I thought were my black pants. What I ended up putting on were dark navy slacks that were of similar material and fit as my black pants. A tragedy indeed, for they didn't quite go with the black shoes and belt or the brown shirt. I've been trying to hide out in my cube as much as possible today. I knew there was a reason I don't typically wear brown and red.

Thanksgiving:

Happy turkey day, all. I hope you had your fill.

Something about this holiday makes me feel old and young at the same time.

Feelings:

I've recently learned that feelings are not something that can be controlled. The choices and actions that are a result of emotional stimulation certainly can, but the internal reaction is often inevitable and inalterable. So I've come to realize that I might as well embrace whatever I feel. Strangely elementary.

Capitalism:

I was walking to Barnes and Nobles yesterday to pick up the new Jay Z album and saw a Starbucks that I didn't know existed. I searched "starbucks near" my work address in Google maps and found about 30 stores within a 1 mile radius, and about 15 of those were under a .5 mile radius. Now that's just outright ridiculous. Excessive.

Pie:

No Ned! Don't do it!!

Lately, my TV schedule has been:
Monday- Chuck
Tuesday- House
Wednesday- Pushing Daisies (top pick)
Thursday- Smallville and The Office
With the occasional Jeorpardy, King of Queens, and Family Guy thrown in at random times.

What can I say? I enjoy the occasional romantically tense situation.

Meetings:

I suck at meeting new people. I find that I have a fairly pessimistic view on the general practice of trying to initiate a bond with a stranger, unless they have been highly recommended by another friend. This evening I went to a construction networking event where we (a few people from my office went) were supposed to meet and chat with contractors and companies from the area. What they ended up doing is after a while of mingling, they split everyone up into groups and began the "Speed Networking" portion of the evening (haha yes, they said they got the idea from speed dating... Anna). So I made small talk for 2 minutes and exchanged business cards with ten people, which wasn't difficult or painful... but was certainly pointless. I learned nothing about their company, what they do really, or who they are as a person. Once we were done with that, I had no desire whatsoever to shake anyone else's hand or pursue further conversation with anyone... I mean, what did I really have to gain from investing my energies into anyone there in the room (exception- coworkers of course)? I find myself leaning more and more towards that anti-new-social school of thought, and just asking myself "what's the point?"

P.S. I really enjoy spending time out of the office with people from work. It was a real treat that my supervisor came out to this event. She's pretty awesome. Beer/Open bar is a plus.

Fuel:

On Friday afternoon I filled up on gas and reset the tripometer. By Sunday evening I had somehow racked up 300 miles, and the entire time I had left Kanye in the CD player. I think that after listening through the album 5 times, I've come to appreciate every song with one exception. Know which that one is? I don't think they play it on the radio.

Lame:

Not having anything planned to do after work makes the day go by so slowly. It makes everything unexciting. How late are the museums open on weekdays?

West:

I bought Kanye's new album the other day and it's alright. I picked it up because I was getting bored of listening to Daft Punk all day at work. I had a brief stint of the soundtrack of Pocahontas, but that got old fast.

Poll:

Diamonds or rubies?

Sociality:

I find it interesting how much I can be defined by not only my social surroundings, but also my general social levels. For instance, I can often gauge how excited I am for an upcoming week based on the post-work activities I have planned out with people. If there is a dry spell then I am easily depressed and bored. This is all simple and intuitive, but to me the magnitude of influence these social variations have on me is surprising. I think I've become hooked and bought into the trendy concepts of 'community' and 'sharing life together' to the point of reliance.
This brings me to my next thought. Some people appear to me as very head-strong and immune to these variations. Though they may partake regularly in 'community', they are not defined by it. For example, if they were to say they wanted to go live on an oil rig for a few years, they would go ahead and follow that desire regardless of the community roots that they have developed. Perhaps it has something to do with the confidence they have in the fact that those friendships will endure. Something about that kind of confidence and the kind of confidence that leads one to follow their desires without regrets is extremely attractive to me. I believe that may be because I am lacking in those confidences and want to leech them off of others. Leech is a terrible word.

Dwelling:

How do you not dwell on things? You know, things you shouldn't/don't want to be constantly worried about, yet are. Some days I wish I was simply all robot.

Currency:

I've established a new rule for this month. Walking around Chinatown, I've found a ton of places I would love to try. All of these places, incidentally (or not), are quite a bit on the expensive side. However, I am currently not incurring any expenses other than transportation and eating out so I can rationalize the occasional good time out. Hence if you can arrange a solid evening date or group date with me during the week, I will treat you out to one of the places of which I crave their food. Deal.

Overtime:

I am adjusting fairly quickly and keeping quite busy at work. I'm progressively making my way towards being a productive member of the group, which makes things more enjoyable. Strangely, I also have not had adverse feelings towards staying overtime, though my supervisor has expressed that currently the budget is low and working extra should be kept to a minimum. Even so, the office is quiet and relaxing in the late afternoon so I don't mind staying an extra couple minutes to look a few things over and not getting paid for any of it. My attitude toward work has been fairly healthy and I hope it continues as time erodes away at my life.

So far I don't have anything planned for the holiday weekend except for Sunday night. This is an open invitation to coordinate with me to do something so that I am not bored and wasting away the precious weekend. Maybe I'll even take you out to dinner.

Tired:

Oh man, it's an hour and a half past my bed time. I'm still recovering from the weekend. And the nine bug bites.